The best thing about a picture

I've moved to wordpress, kthxbye.

2010-06-18T02:16:00.002+08:00

missingthcracks/wordpress

Can't explain

2010-06-02T00:36:00.003+08:00

Happiness seems out of reach lately.

Becoming more of a rollercoaster ride.

We're talking. But so what?

I'm torn between hanging on or giving up. And, either way, I won't be happy.

Everynight lately, I feel.................. miserable? Is that the right word?

Tonight, the most. Cuz, I knw how much I'm not needed........ or at least, that's what I think.

And boy this breaks my heart. Cuz we had so much memories, so much plans ahead too. Every long bus ride, I think abt how bus ride we shared was, half the place I frequent used to be spent with you too and this ain't helping. I feel lost, I'm not willing to let this go........ I don't want to.

Cuz when I miss you, you're still not missing me. Are you?

2010-05-22T14:53:00.002+08:00

It crushes and dies

when you hold on to it too tight,

But flies

when you let it go

How do i distract myself?

2010-05-15T02:04:00.002+08:00

Love is nothing but a dream.

Where do i stand?

2010-05-08T21:48:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder if I'm the one being ridiculously dependent, or is it people are just now there for me. Last night I pondered for a long time and wondered what happen to the old me, the old you, the old all of you, and the old us. Things hav been changing so rapidly its hard to catch up...... Then I thought about why each time I need you so badly, you just aint the one there for me, or rather, you don't try to be.......... Why has becoming replying texts so difficult, dialing 8 numbers, so difficult, being there for someone so difficult? I've always been trying to change, to be more independent, to understand you more, to be there for you. Always tried not to compare, not to expect so much from you but sometimes it upsets and hurts me too much when i start wondering where I stand in your heart, and how much exactly is it that I mean to you. I thought abt all the happy moments we have, how each time I'm beside you I know I'm happiest and most secure. Then I get confused, what am i to do about this. It's just one thing I'm asking: Being there for me when I need you. Can you?

I guess life hav been just insane lately, I'm losing it. Sleeping from 12am to 3or 4am then staying up all the way go through the day and sleeping again 24hours later isnt working....... But then again, if this aint working, what would be? I owe every single subject tutor homeowkr times idk how many pieces, I have CC to do, My appendix for CC is a horror, billions of drawing to redraw. All i can do and say is as much as I wna give up, I can't.

I thought about the easier way out, but figured its not worth it, I'll be throwing all my hardwork the past one year 4months away, and more importantly, I have a group to think of...

Why is life so complicated.?

5.51am

2010-05-06T05:51:00.002+08:00

And so I spend the entire night on CC again,

Consult later which I've almost nothing to talk about or show...........,

GS costumes un-drawn, Lit essay writing in class unprepared, oh, Math test too.

I've alr tried making the best I hav out of time. Its 5.53 now I need to get ready for school.

Sleep, what sleep?

Another long night ahead

2010-05-04T23:18:00.002+08:00

Today's been a long day.

Everyday i tell myself today will get by good and fast, but I guess sometimes, I'm way too optimistic. Everyday's a repeated cycle of school, then coming home late. Sometimes I wonder why do human beings repeat daily routines..... doesnt it become too much of a chore?

Day started with being upset with my favourite................. Sometimes i wish you can read my mind. All I need was that little bit of assurance.

Syf, Nlb for CC, tuition. What's new.

Sometimes I envy people who are truly happy.

How long does happiness last?

Another long night ahead, math, CC, lit..................... its okay i can do it, ha.

mad cute desktop

2010-05-02T21:53:00.002+08:00

I need motivation for CC writing tmr......

AND, HERE'S MY MADCUTE DESKTOP :

I love the background w flowers and bunnies in pink, and the pink icons for folders, and dock icons are all alice in wonderland theme. I think this is strong motivation for, 9 hours of CC writing tmr, ha.

Have a good labour day holiday all. I'm camping in school.

IRON MAN 2

2010-05-02T01:24:00.002+08:00

It's been so long since i last had a decent blog post, and it's been the first time in weeks that weekend is truly for a rest. Well at least, kind of.

MJ for Gaoxin's concert yesterday, and it was quite abit of surprise to see a total of 10 people from Sec4 class all together; Macs for dinner @ whitesands with Zoey and then we it was the usual catch up talks.

Today was a day of being happy. Getting a total of ten hours of sleep, lazing at home, heading to school for GS and then, town to meet my fav company for Ironman2. Town was insanely packed today so I'm glad he got tickets before hand in the aftnn. I've never been a fan of action movie, or rather I very much don't rly like them, but Ironman 2 was rly good and I think the plot was vmuch quite well written. Too many parts with guns and explosions which I'm scared of but then again, the movie managed to fit everything in nicely and the show was actually quite touching too. Crazy how technology works though......... makes me wonder if that wld actually be how the world might be hundred years from now. I mean, It's possible no?

We walked all the way home from sommerset.......... It's funny how I always whine so much abt distance but don't mind having long walks with you. Felt the same way how we walked from newton to town a year ago.... and, I still like stealing glances at you as we walk.

Thankq for always being sweet with small actions of yours at times I dont expect you to be.

Love you.

Goodnight world.

2010-04-22T23:28:00.002+08:00

Prelims in just another say, 30 hours.

It's funny how life is like that.

how people change, while some don't.

how i used to understand you so well in the past, now I'm clueless how you think.

how unexpected things happen.

how you change I change

how we just ain't the same anymore.

how love seems to die

how you cant detect my sadness.

What's there to update about is life is the same cycle every.single.day.

Mad rush, mad stress, everyone is insane.

School's madness, and there's no consolation at home.

So tell me what am i supposed to look forward to?!

2010-04-04T22:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wonder why am i so pathetic.

soft kisses silent whispers

2010-04-03T00:20:00.002+08:00

These two days hav been one of the best in weeks.

Simpaa1ng till midnight with aa1, isk and audz fav bitching hangout place ysterday Nice dinner with good company, good food, naise milodinasaurrr, nice atmosphere. I love it when I hav smthng to look forward to after a long day in sch w drama and all. And it was nice to hang out and talk abt non acadamic, non drama stuff for once heh. We shld totally hav such outings more oftennnnn. (Peijin I wish you went too!!!! If youre reading this, youre damn cute all the best for you nationals on monday i loveyouuuuu )

Today was lazing in bed till late (Which i hvnt done so in agessss) and then out with H for lunch @ Cathay. Been sucha long time we get to spend time with just ourselves. Guess i finally get the meaning of rather 'Wasting time with your fav person' then doing smthng productive with bad company. Stayed home after lunch for hth talk, watched him game, random tv shows............. (We even spent say an hour on okto watching Barbie!!!!! ) And then 7hours tgt just flew past like that. I miss the times like this, the old us........ I wish things wld stay this way, always.

Okay, anyhow its 1241am naoz. Hate how time passes. Time for me to pack again. Moving officially coming thursday, my room is still in sucha state of messz, merely half packed. And there's sewing to do, costuming at 830 tmr, The tempest @esplanade at 8pm.......... What's new?

Goodnight all you fortunate ones who get to sleep early.

stay the same,

2010-03-31T22:01:00.002+08:00

2AA1lantis. I hvnt got piktures of funorama except the few on top. Guess it pretty much sums up our day last Saturday........ It wasnt a good day, quarrels, people being insensitive, myself being emotional....But thank god H and celeste were there for me. I always feel better when I've someone close beside me whenever i tear, guess I dont seem to grow to be more independent.......Oh, anw worse of funorama, saboteurs who have completely no. f.ing life. Pathetic bunch of losers. How hav we offended you, that you come along for funorama, and happily treat everything as a joke, running over to the dunking machine, pushing the button, and then acting like a complete pathetic coward, run away in fear of the trouble you've caused after you've dunked the teacher the cheater loser way. So there you go seeing joy in causing so much frustration for us, and the teachers whom you dont even know because youre from yadayada school which apparently forgot to teach you smthng called moral values. Oh, not just one of you. Three of you. Well done.

I wonder why I'm even having the sudden thought of those bunch of retards. Maybe cause i've been way too bored at home today. So there goes my hse getting emptier, and empter......It's hard to imagine nxt week onwards I wont be staying here anymore.And as a matter of fact, I dont like moving. And my room is in a complete shitass messz now. Workshts all over, boxes. They annoying me, really. And i've spent the entire day trying to get things done.............

Tmr's another long day in school and I'm kinda dragging this. Sigh.And IS costume is.................... I'm still undone.
Sucks being a J2. I wish you cheer me up, every single day of my life.

2.55 in the morning

2010-03-29T02:55:00.002+08:00

Its not even the peak of the crazy times....... here I am sleeping at 3am again. I hate this whole process of staying up to do work and waking up early for school. Don't you?

Sometimes i wish someone wld give me an airticket now. Like I need a getaway trip, i wld the happist and most contented girl.
Okay just done with work, i shld leave fanciful thoughts aside. Half day tmr, but guess what, ofcourse it dont apply to us, as usual.
Yadayada life sucks kthxbye.

My two favourites

2010-03-20T02:58:00.004+08:00

I'm still in the midst of doing my practitioner essays, two done one more to go!!!!!
Anyway, here's my two favourites for nowwwwwwwww!!!!

Say hello to Cupcake!!!

(I know i know I used to be so afraid of dogs, even such tiny harmless puppies. But trust me cupcake is mad cute, really mad cute she's so adorable! And she dont bark crazily plus she loves me cause she licks me on the nose and don't bite. )

OH, AND MY SECOND FAV. I know he looks kinda scary here but he's insanely cute and sweet. (okay towards the end of Wonderland esp when he asks Alice to stay in wonderland.) Johnnydepp is really pretty much v hot i love the way he plays such diff characters so well!!!!! Esp Hatter!!!! Cute like crazy with split personality.

O....kay back to work. I got so much more to blog about and its saturday alr!!!!! Metup with YL Zoey just now, so secondary schooldays.

Anyway, Why do holidays pass so quickly?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!

(Edit) IT IS 3.32 NOW I'M STILL NOT ASLEEP, AND I'VE SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT ON ONE ESSAY. THIS IS BAD ):<

MOVING ON TO SEWING NOW KTHXBYE.

caught up in your wishin well

2010-03-15T11:23:00.003+08:00

(Photospam ahead cuz i was browsing thru and i realise these pictures are rly pretty i dont wna bury them in iphoto HAHA.)

I'm sucha good procrastinator at work i should get a prize.

So, piktures abve were dated long, long, time ago. Universal studios was so pretty, I wna get in for the rides nxt time. Thinking abt this makes me look forward to after A's too. Not only universal studios being on my list of to go, I cant wait to head over to.............. somewhere with yvonne tim and whoever else. Somewhere still not defined but we wont mind going to Aussie farm stay( those with the really awesome breakfasttttttt pluz having quiet times with rly cute animals ) , or even a short trip to bali wld be fulfilling. If only we were richer we shld totally go over to Japan, or Switz again, or Paris........... wishful thinkings ha.

Okay i shld prolly get back to work now. Plan to finish practitioner studies today so its hello Laura Mercier, Lacroix and Stanislavski. Can you believe it make-up book has been my best friend the past few days. Been studying abt Mercier's flawless face, the importance of foundation, concealer, liplining, different kind of blushing. I mean, make up cant be that complicated right, I'm going for naturalistic?!!!!!!!!

And lastly before i end of this post yesterday was NUS open hse. Not very very happening but it was so crowded and the princess and i were kinda lost. But we both knew chances are we wna get into FASS so now tell me, how do i get my AAB/C A. Securing my A for drama seems quite impossible but I'm still gng work hard, i mean i hav to if i dont wna end up with a C or even D right? And i wna get doubledegree for masscomm and business maybe. Goodluck with getting straight As. Oh and law is not possible, next up the last might be project management hmm.

P/s Yurong i swear i was about to sms you when i saw you.

Back to Mercier now and i shld start getting my work done. Meeting patrice in town @ 330 kthxbye.

We can fall all over again. Cause you're still the one i wna hear from before i go to bed every single night. Still the most annoying, still my fav.

becuz the most beautiful evenings hav sunsets too

2010-03-13T02:27:00.004+08:00

My heart hvnt changed since the day you took my hand. It's still the same, and prolly will remain the same. I'm as upset as you as to why this seem to be failing. I really don't know if we shld even give this another try... I recalled all the happier times we've had, all the times we get through the day without each other by our sides, but yet ultimately we knew we had each other on our mind and that was what that mattered.

Recently everything changed, I changed, and maybe, you changed too. I've always been like that, very dependent on people. I know I can get too whiny at times, too clingy at times but, I always thought you wouldnt mind.

Now, I don't know if.......... I can turn to you in the future anymore.

I miss the long qualitiy time we hav just by ourselves, miss the times you amuse me with the most ridiculous thing i won't think of, the times you get so impatient with me but laugh it off knowing its just how i am like.

It's been a year since we start talking to each other every single day of our lives, the third time we're having such big cold wars.......... I wish i knew you still need me, cause yknw what, i do.

deep and meaningless

2010-03-10T23:36:00.002+08:00

So I'm finally back to blogging at this mundane space..... Guess life's just like that. Each time i put in an effort and say, I'm gng keep this site alive and keep a diary about my life, I fail to.

There's so many things i wish i wrote about in the past. At least in this way, each time I'm happy I cld reread them when I'm down and then tell myself the happy times will come, that i shldnt throw away memories i once treasured, so much.

Terms over today. But, I dont feel the least bit of excitement for it. Holidays unofficially start tmr, but I dont feel............ dont feel it either. Heart's been cold recently. I wonder why.

Its already March and Drama prelims are a month away, funny this the first thought that came to my mind this afternoon. Recently life has been getting so ironic, i think of what i shldnt be thinking about. I hav weird thoughts crossing my mind, it annoys me so much sometimes.

I'm going to sleep now. Pointless staying awake, I'm not dng anything productive.

We used to treasure each other so much. Now it falls back to the same question, do i still matter to you? If yes, just how much?

2010-02-23T22:59:00.002+08:00

Today has been a crazy day and i survived three tests one after another yay to aa1 dep people.

Math then lit essay then drama essay x2, madness.

I've so much to blog abt, Cny, Universal Studios, life recently. But there's econs test on thursday and gp essay dued. And the best part,

I need to complain about this.

I Hvnt been to West Coast Park my entire life, entire entire life, and CROSS COUNTRY IS THERE TMR. Cannot tank. No one's in Aa1's in the same house as me i hate it hate it hate it cause it reallyyyyy annoys me. I hope howard wont be w his class tmr else I will be even more sadface.I only hav one person I'm close with in my entire house. How pathetic can i get?!!!!! Who invents Xcountry anyway. I dont see the point in running tgt as a school, no wait, I'm walking with the princess, what run?

I will blog on thursday. After the madness of this week is over, terms in less than 14 days. I wish j2 year is over.

2010-02-17T03:03:00.001+08:00

Its freaking 3.03 am nao and I'm still wide awake cause of coffee @ twelve am.

Contemplating btwn sleeping and drawing now. I think I'm crazyyyyyyyyyy.

I've so much to blog but so little time. There goes cny holidays, hello sch in 4 hours time.

2010-02-11T16:25:00.000+08:00

I think disappointment is the worst feeling ever.

2010-02-11T11:52:00.002+08:00

I hvnt been to school for the third day. High fever sucks, I'm better now the the bitter taste of medicine is constantly stuck in my tongue throat it drives me crazy. I'm so bored at home now and mummy's out. I shld do my work but my oranges book is in school, I hate econs but thats the only thing i can do now oh and there my drawing paper is staring at me i shld draw again too.

Tmr's prolly valentine's celebration in school but I'm so not in the mood this year it kind of sucks. I wanted to get cupcakes for the class plus H but I'm way too lazy to do it cause my head still hurts. And the thought of cny in a few days time is not very exciting at all.

On a random note i was very happy when i check fb today and got an email. I like the way long distance friendship actually really work. Its been sometime since you went overseas but we're still good friends. Wonder if rs wld ever work that way .............. .

I hope piggles is going manicure with me tmr after school.

I dont exactly hav plans for tmr yet you tell me, my life sucks doesnt it?!?????!??!?!?

Weekends, finally.

2010-02-07T23:14:00.003+08:00

This hav been one of the best weekends ever since last year and this year.

Friday was campfire night for j1 orientation and it was the bombz, damn sex, whatever. AA1 sold lightsticks and made say at least 5-600bucks profit, i knw we're the awesomemest! The Ogls were good, the dancers were cutely spastic and our sales was some epic success heh. Played all the og games we had for campfire, attempted to learn this year's mass dance on the spot, sang the mule song, Ac cheers which explains why I'm friggin having a sorethroat now, and lastly there was friendship dance + all that crazy moshing or wtv. It was a crazy night we got too high too crazy but i was fun. Reminds me how og was last year, i miss those times, so much.

Saturday was a happy day even though i felt kind of bad for skipping service :/ But i get to spend time with Howard, heh. Accompanied him for supposed Cny shopping but he so fussy. Don't like design no size material not nice. I think he'll never get cny clothes this year at this rate, haha. Gave up on clothes, cine for lunch. It just occured to me how many times we've been to cine tgt i think it became out fav hangout mall. Played taptap but I'm so epic fail and i got the score of say half of his or smthng, and then we wasted an hour playing itouch games tgt. We hvnt spent time to ourselves for so long so i was contented. Fairytooth then after the movie was so ridiculous. But it was sad, i mean the saddest people arent the people who gets disappointed and crushed dreams. The saddest people are those who disappoints people, and crush people's dream. The ended was so cute cause Dwanye Johnsone went 'What if we got married' and Carly was so happy because she once scolded him for not knowing how to say 'What ifs' . Okay i got no idea why i thought its cute but.... Don't you think its sweet when during a quarrel you pinpoint all the badpoints abt your boyf and then he really tries to change and make improvments abt himself???

Today's been another long day I'm so tired now and I've to go do hwk next. This weekend hav been so much of a party only and make myself happy weekend i feel kind of guilty : / But it was really really really what I needed!!!! Oh and I'm mad happy today i got rid of 13 funorama tickets!!!! Sales at living water church Acsi was good (-: The people were mostly friendly and they bought tickets from me. Sucha relieve I'm left with 12 tickets only! Lunch @ holland coffeeshop then after and we headed to town. Accompanied tim get his cny clothes, and I still think the white polo really really looks good on him but he didnt get it!!! ): Don't believe he looks good in it and Yvonne and I were jk he might be piggles nxt eyecandy if he wears the white shirt out................ quite epic. Met up with beatrice for Econs tuition in the evening and it was productive and I see hope in Macro econs now.

Anw to end of this post I got to post this. Some particular = annoying to th max she still think she best.

So the convo starts with me asking really really nicely, 'manda go chinatown w me plz'

And here's the rest of the convo.

dont want! amanda @ 11:06 i will die of fatigue 11:07


i treat you to dessert thr very nice one! yinghui, @ 11:07


haha thats not an incentive lor amanda @ 11:07 nothing can entice me. 11:07 unless you give me like a hundred bucks or something. 11:08


ha ha whatever man. yinghui, @ 11:08 if 100bucks drop from sky maybe i give you 50 ok 11:08


oh 50 also not enough amanda @ 11:08 i in high demand 11:08 but very low supply 11:08 hence market price is very high 11:09


you dont econs bullshit hor hahahahaha. yinghui, @ 11:09


haha okay we talk about hmmm amanda @ 11:09 gp 11:09 talk about education 11:09 education is very important for one's future. 11:10 so if one goes to chinatown for no apparent reason except for going with a friend. 11:10 her future will go down the drain. 11:10 hence the conservation of chinatown is redundant and should not have been carried out 11:10 WOW I EVEN LINK TO PW.

Well done.

Okay I should really start my assignment now. This is sucha wordy post i best yvonne will never upload lightsticks peeektures. But nevertheless i think this post was worth blogging, I hvnt been this happy for so long, every minute of this 3 days hav been the best ever. And being out w Tim Yv Pj today damn naise also xoxoxo. I'm using naise again to annoy you manda HAHA.

warmness of the soul

2010-02-01T20:37:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was one of the happy nights since school's started this year. Here I am recalling how i felt, being all smiles talking to H on the phone till late late in the morning. Hvnt done so in ages. Its the simple things in life that makes you happy that makes you truely happy.

And, I like that feeling.............

But I don't feel it anymore. Two hours ago i was with my best friend, manda came over to my place.... Again, it was the simple things of meeting your friend even if its for just less than an hour that can bring joy that's beyond words.

Then again, its also one sentence that cld lead to a whole train of thoughts and make you feel stupid, and crush every bit of happiness you accumulated over the week.

Why are the people closest always those that disappoint?

I hate it and don't see how you all can hide things from me for more than months. Don't see how you can hide things like that don't see why such big issues you can hide for me, don't see why you're so old you dont know how to think and think abt my feelings and disappintment i cld feel heartache, heartbreak, ..... still mainly disappointment. You hvnt' a single idea how the feeling is like why can't you be more sensitive. So against this all, I wont hav minded dropping out of school to begin with. I start to think if my achievements actually mean. a. thing. at. all. Maybe it dont. So if these are acts of concern and love, I can live without them cause you got me wrong and you dont understand. So how matter much you love me, I will nevertheless be more disappointed than ever i mean it this time round.

2010-01-30T13:18:00.003+08:00

I decided not to neglect this site anymore, Haha. But then again, whenever i say this it'll prolly last for a few days. Anyhow, I think i deserve a prize for wasting time. I cant stand myself anymore. I've got drawings, research materials, oranges not only fruit to read, lit tutorial, lit lms, econs paper, gp example book, and maths tutorial due on monday. But so far I've spent yst and today trying to understand macroecons. Why am i forever not paying attn in lecture, now must waste time on self-readup :/

I'm late meeting beatrice alrrrrrr. Got to run now, church and grandma's later.

I miss waking up with you right nxt to me.

2010-01-29T13:04:00.007+08:00

These are the only pictures i hav for three weeks, school's started and life's getting by, Just. like. That. How interesting can school life get?! First three pictures taken @ Marcus' condo which we crashed to go playground while waiting for him bath and then last picture's my current fav picture. Costumers ftw, hur hur.
Anyhow, 3 weeks of school hav passed. First week was 'trying to adapt' and then within 3 days its as if it's been months since the term started. I've been going home early, being less involved with theatre stuff for now, which gives me more time for myself and work. Town with H on the second week of school made my week, afterall we hvnt been hanging out tgt for so long. And then, last last sunday was Arab Street and Haji lane with Zoey. I knw this makes me sound like a complete tourist but I hvnt been to haji lane till last last sunday even though practically everyone hav been hanging out thr. Indian brocade from Arab street settled for IS costume, and i swear we shld go over to Haji again with $ to shop. Assessories there were so adorable and what i like, and i love the way each shop's nicely decorated. On a random note, ANYONE WNA GO OVER TO ARAB/HAJI THIS WEEKEND?! Text me ok. I need to go buy cloth from Arab and a lil window shopping @ haji on the way won't hurt i think.
Oh, and then there was class flea organized by the princess and me last saturday. I wont say it was a sucess but it wasnt a failure either. Either way I'm glad t hav piggles dng this tgt and I think it's gng be a part of jc life i wont ever forget. Moreover lifegroup were the sweetest and i felt their love when they helped packup with me at all that day even though they werent obliged to.
This week hav been passing too quickly, left sch yst cause I wasn't feeling well, and I guess it explains why I'm home bored and posting now. I think i got my flu from Nlb, flipping through countless copies of old dusty books and then standing by the photocopying machine for long long time was what I did for the past two days or so.
Anyway I should start packing my room, drawing and doing some serious studying :/I never knew being a j2 could be this tough, and i hate how everyone around me is stressing and being unhappy. We need a miracle pill.
p/s Amanda see this post is posted because you reminded me to update, you better be honoured. K I'm crossing my fingers I dont get a phone call from you later with you telling me yknw what. And just so you know, your phone call in school that day totally made my day and everyone felt i was happier after a bitching hth talk with you haha! (L)

We've got to be stronger

2010-01-07T01:20:00.005+08:00

I hav been quite hardworking the past few days. Okay, maybe not quite but it was a major improvement from the past 6 weeks that i've happily wasted.

Its 1.25am now and i shld be asleep... afterall I've four more days left to catching up on sleep before i go sleep deprived for weeks again. But then again, I guess it don't hurt to stay up abit later. I was attempting Macroecons just now, but it's a totally boring I've switched to blogging.

Anyway i think the bird above is cute, and my nxt attempt tmr night is to start on research on birds as motif for 18th centuryyyyy. Preparing/ Researching for IS hav been insane. Google and National Library Arts reference shelves can be my new best friends.

I've been painfully drawing the past few days and I thought my sketches were actually way better than what I expect. I know i know there're people who can do a better job than me but hey it's my first time afterall.

I've spent my week@ the airport for two consecutive days and then today was national library w rachel... and well I'm back to t3 tmr aftnn. Zoey i love you too for studying with me. I think if it werent for the study sessions 7pieces of drawings won't exist yet. I'm gng finish my remaining costume designs tmr and then start on math, gp and econs revision : /

Reality is slowly starting to sink into me that I'm gng be eighteen this year ( I'm not even a month past 17 z, but ok wtv.) and then there's gng be A's and then there's gng be this point of life which i shld start deciding what i want in future. Convo w Zoey a day back made me realise how important A's are gonna be. Scoring well actually indirectly determines how life wld be like for the rest of my life. So..... I think i shld really really buck up nao before its too late and i start to regret and it wont be naise.

People don't treasure what they love till they are at the verge of losing what they hold dearest to them.

ly, w xo.

Happy New Year.

2010-01-02T00:13:00.003+08:00

Do second chances always exists?

I hate myself for being so stubborn, and even not accepting at times............

I wish i cld undo all this. I wish we didnt hav t go thru this.

I was reading through posts dating all the way to the 20+ dec last night, saw my new year resolutions, saw how this year hav passed, recalled all the memorable times of 2009.

Thankyou orientationgrp, acsiantheatre, other new friends i've made along the way, aclifegrp...... and everyone i knew this year for making 2009 a meaningful one. Ofcourse not forgetting the bn clique + gaoxin + pri sch friends.... drama seniors and anyone else whom i may hav missed out. You all hav been with me since, say 3, 5 even 8 years alr thankyou for making a difference in my life, being there for me all the time. 09 hvnt been the best, but it wasnt the worse either. I learnt alot, grew alot....... fell down along the way etc etc but i guess i survived the year.

I hvnt' thought of New Year resolutions yet, but i guess, i need to improve on my relationship with people. I'm sorry if I've been selfish, unthoughtful, sometimes i feel like i'm sucha horrible friend.

Hav an awesome 2010 all of you, it's gng be tough, but grit your teeth and press on.

Birthday Christmas Outings

2009-12-30T01:52:00.004+08:00

This is gng be a long post though its late and i've been sleeping at weird timing since forever so i think it doesnt make a difference. What's more I hvnt been upadting this site for quite some time.

Anw, I stayed up till 5 yst to prep for IS stuff and I'm finally almost done with my motif! Consult today was good, and I thought Pris & Bryant really really played Tourvel And Valmont really well even though its their first script reading! So anw, off to hairdresser's then after, and as usual, my fringe is forever hopeless looking after a haircut, I wonder why.

Past week has pretty much been ...... good i suppose. I forgot to say this but Thankyou all who text, fb, phone me wishing my happy birthday on the 22nd. I love all of you and for my closest people who came over to my place you guys are awesome.

Pictures @ my 17th party below.

Masquerade theme wasnt that much a success but thankyou AA1, Rach, Beatrice, Choo, and Xinyi Ceci for being so supportive cause it made me rly happy to see you all bothered to attempt following my theme to entertain me though i knw its stupid!!!

Other than birthday then there's X'maz last week and on Eve I was @ y-hope church service. I thought their theme 'At the door' was really meaningful. Service was good, made Christmas so much more meaningful oh, and the drama was entertain again and i met more new people who rly rly made me feel welcomed and loved. Plus i love receiving cards and it was really heartwarming to receive selfwritten cards by people whom I've barely known for a week. And then there's Xmas celeb @ home where there's log pretty logcakes & presents!

And then there's Boxing day being day out w Gxin where we roam town, plazasing...finally esplanade. Endless walks but it was nice how we never fail to keep the convo going, talking abt what happen in school, and hunting cute stuff in shops. And this is what we saw @ esplanade's :

Simply adorable arent they?!!!!! Gummybears + Enid Blyton books folded into origamis, framed, so prettily decorated, don't you love them? I wld hav done that to decorate my room if I cld, reallyyyy. Day after boxing day was the long awaited 27th, meet up with my favourite girlfriends, Can you believe it we've known each other for five long year, been through all the 'watch you grow up' stages tgt, streaming, O's... work, everything. Quarrels and disagreements we obviously been there done that, but still I'm glad we still stay almost as close as ever or cld be.

Rest of or a few other pictures on fb.

2010 in another day's time. I hope it wld be a good year even though I knw clearly it's gng be insane. Got to keep the faith and hope.

Have I mention this before? I love the way we recall about past memories tgt.

Run baby run

2009-12-28T22:53:00.001+08:00

Hate to agree on this. What if it's gng be awkward?

breathless

2009-12-28T02:02:00.003+08:00

I got so much to blog about but right now i'm dead tired to th maxxxxx.

Party, Birthday, X'mas eve, X'mas....... town with Gx, and today's cycling tripppp.

And I just came back from dad's workplace cause i decided to be nice and do math while waiting for him t finish his work and guess what we left the office only at 1.20am. It was so, creepy.

I got so many pictures for once to upload but see i need to do IS research now, and I need to wakeup early cause I'd be meeting princess piggles tmr in town (Againnnn, I'm getting sick of town cause i've been there like 5 or more times in less than 2 weeks or smth z.) and then i need to head over to nlb. I need more time, and and I feel kind of troubled now, sigh.

H gng be back today, finally finally finally. .................................. .

Actually, there's too much mixed feelings i feel now.

I wish school nxt year wld be like sch this year. I wish you cld read my mind.

2009-12-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

Its been a week since i last blogged, I'm sucha hopeless blogger, I think.

Anyway I'll blog aft I'm done with IS Script which is like due tmrrrrr.

And i got new inspirations alr, and I'd be dng research on flowers and lilies! I hope my flower motif works ):

AND, MERRY CHRISTMAS for now! (:

Count Blessing

2009-12-20T01:43:00.003+08:00

I'm pretty much excited about monday!! Thankyou all who alr cnfm you cld make it and........ baofang manda gillian peijin michelle gladys i rly wish so badly you all wld be there ):

Anyway I've so much to blog abt but its insanely late now I need sleep cause there's tuition & Gs tmr and I need to pack my room and prep for monday and monday aftnn is meeting with the really awesome primary four class. So much happenings, so little time.

Then again, today's been so memorable, I hav so much to say, tmr perhaps.

But, I really thank god for this experience, and allowing me to believe in him, and know of the purpose he has set for me and so much more.

Service at Tim's church was really awesome and assuring, so much its hard to put in plain short sentences now.

Shall go to bed nao.

Ciao.

Again and again.

2009-12-19T00:23:00.002+08:00

I hate refreshing my email inbox, over and over again.

Today i thought abt a billion things.

I hope tmr will be a better day.

GS Rehearsal tmr, big sigh.

Lunch with my best fwenz + Tim's church tmr afternoon.

I hope we'd be happy people.

I wish i had the money to do X'mas shopping, I wish you knew me better.

I wish I didnt hav to doubt this 28 days.

This is such a senseless post as usual, bits and pieces of my fragmented thoughts.

happy girl :-)

2009-12-17T19:22:00.004+08:00

I'm feeling very much like a happy girl. Past few days hav been major catching up with people i stop talking to and i just made many phonecalls. Hearing my best friends on the phone and having long chats make me feel happy and loved. On phone for more than half hr with Rach Tim and Yurong. Rachel Yvonne i miss you both like crazyyyy, yvonne im calling you again after i bath haha. And yurong and I had our longest phone or rather first phone call for chats in 3 years?!?!!!!!!! How fast time flies, (Though i don't understand why you insist youre cute and adorable steeeeeel.) Luvvvv.

Okay I'm blogging later. This is sucha redundant post but I feel happy now :-)

P/s I luv my pink nails jumping on the keyboard as i type!! (PINK yurong, Pink agn heh.)

2009-12-17T01:41:00.004+08:00

I am so proud of myself!!!!! I'm finally done with all 2510 + 568 pictures + deleting all the other junky pictures. Rotated, edit pictures with backlight, and more edits to make the venice pictures prettier. 3k of pictures I'm finally done, I'm dead beat now.

Looking back, I wonder why I didnt treasure the 12 days more. The sceneries are damn prettyyyy and okay, i think venice is pretty now, it wasnt that disappointing. I luv my pisa tower pictures!! But mummy's so killing me for those i took for her. Who the hell in the right mind tilts the camera to take the damn picture of the slanting pisa tower?!!?! I know I'm stupid, serve me right, mummy wna kill me hahaha. But i didnt think of it right, I mean, its just natural reaction that buildings shld be straight whenever you take pictures what! (Pisa tower pictures hav disappeared and photobucket dont allow me to upload them nao)

Flowerclock @ Geneva (I think)

the swans are really beautiful.

More pictures up tmr.

Anyway shopping date with beatrice and peijin was pretty awesome today. I luv you both yknw it! It felt good to be in town again with them, talking nonsense, bitching like crazy, going ' That necklace nice right!!!' and 'Omg owl again this one nicerrrr' yknw that kind of comments. Oh wait, I forgot to mention, i luv my mum she bought me a pair of heels + casual flats from Far East today morning heh. The heels are damn prettyyyyyy. Back to outing with the girls, we went from ion back to fareast again for manicure @ cinderella. And i hav hot pink nails again yay. Manicure there is really cheap and yes that superawesome is smart at such deals and I didnt knw half the world do their nails at Cinderella till today! Audz did her really nice green and silver one there too so pretty. Class dinner @ Tanglin Mall's Chillis. Food was so pricey I'm so broke now but the food was good. Funny I didnt knw Tanglin mall existed, I mean i knew it existed....... but I didnt knw there were shops other than Macs and Starbucks existing inside, ha. Going over to Tanglin mall reminds me of macdonald breakfast months back, hm. Anyway, so class dinner was more than half of us today!!!!, Nine. Was nice seeing familiar faces all over again, but then again I was quite sad Yvon and Tim and Sivvy didnt come. Wld hav been nice t hav the entire class, i miss aa1. Dinner = endless laughters. We have the weirdest convos ever, no link topic linking to another no link topic and the crazy laughter. Shitassz. And Archie's 9 coke refills. We were totally at our noisiest. Left arnd 10 which explains why I was home so late. Which reminds me, I'm so tired nowwwwwwwwww.

This is such an awefully wordy post. Gnight world, 11 more days I wonder wld changes happen, sigh. And, my birthday is in less than a week I dont hav plans, steel.

Sometimes birthdays sucks when you dont hav plans or anything exciting going on. Okay who cares whatever. Oh, snd before i forget, ZOEY TEO HAPPY BIRTHDAY IF YOURE READING THIS. I LOVE YOU V V V MUCH STILL, HAVE THE MOST AWESOMELY AWESOMEST SWEET SEVENTEETH. XOXOXO.

Back from London Paris Switz and Italy

2009-12-15T16:28:00.025+08:00

My bodyclock is going crazy and I think I'm turning into a pig. Back yesterday.... And can you believe it I slpt from 2am last night to 130pm just now.... woke up for brunch and then I dozed off on the sofa again till 4+pm.

Jetlag. Time diff of 7hours. It shld be Rome time 10am now???????

Anw, I've like 3000+ picutures or smthng. Paris was the prettiest, Louve Musuem was a complete gigantic palace or maze or whatever. And the sculptures and paintings there was amazing. I think I like Paris and Luzern (Switz) and Mt Titlis the best. Venice was what I was looking forward to most but then tgt with Rome and Milan it was quite disappointing. I thought it wld be prettier yknw yknw yknw.

Tour was overall pretty much awesome. Okay not pretty much awesome cause tourguide was a total fool and jerkass and my tourgroup was bullshit, bunch of bitches. I swear some people are pathetic. And I cant stand the way some people are a major show off, oh and major fight with one of the family spoilt everything too.

Unhappy mmrs aside, I've uploading pictures from London and Paris. Trust me Paris was damn prettyyyyyyyyy ( but the bulk of pretty pictures taken on cruise is still not in my mac, sadface. )

Pictures from London. St Paul's Cathedral, London Bride, Westminister Abbey, Buckingham palace, Bigben, Londoneye (Pictures not in order)

P/s Buckingham palace is really gorgeous i wld die to live there.

Pictures from Paris City - Mainly Lourve Museum.

That was alot of pictures but then lucky uploading took quicker than expected. I need to tidy my room now (Major pig sty) , and I bet i wld be able to fall aslp tonight ):

Ohwait, shld I even bother tidying and doing my room cause daddy wna move hse next feb. Save me, not another disaster.

On a random note, dinner with aa1 either tmr on thursday. Finally (Heh.)

Funny why I feel this way. Less than 2 weeks more, sometimes I wish we were stronger.

Away from 3rd-15th

2009-12-03T00:06:00.005+08:00

Heyo. I'm off to somewhere prettier (Somewhere like the peektures above!!!!!!) and won't be back till the 15th.

Email me I luv receiving them, okay what am i talking I doubt any of you would.

Before i fly for vacation I thought I wna say I think some of you people are the awesomest I hate thinking how life w/o contact with you all wld be the nxt 12 days.

Gxin if you even visit this site still I luv you x987654321 times thankyou for always being there and always saying yes to last minute meet ups whenever i text you. I was so touched when yknew i was crying outside th other day and then you agreed to meet me at payalebar 30minutes later. And I felt so much better after talking to you/walking about etcetc. (L).

And youre the only one who never fail to entertain me and who's willing to walk around with me, and accompany me even thou i know I'm troublesome ttm. We just walked from Parkway - Roxy - Katong and the whole Katong/Upp eastcoast road then back to Marine parade central on sunday and then today was PP - Rosy - Astons - Roxy - Marine Parade central - Library and then Parkway again today. Funny how I Dont feel tired dng so much walking with you heh. I hope in the midst of killing your braincells to think of creative excuses for you know what you are supposed to miss me heh.

And manda peijin you both are the best smsing partners who never fail to make me laugh/ get annoyed/ piggle at your messages. I swear its a pity you dontknow each other since you guys like to talk abt cute guys so much. ( Sighs at thought of msn convo abt ____, and bigger sigh at thought of piggles wanting to kiss Nat Ho, urgh.) I will miss you all thank you for always replying my emo nonsense messages yknw i luv youuuuu very much more than words can say. (Manda when I get back you die, I hvnt get over the fact how you annoy and tease me just now, what the shit!!! ) And Peijin i just read your long letter written in white paper you gave me on may13, It's pinned on my wall heh.

/ / / / / /

Marcus was trying to make me feel happier just now. And he gave me a quote which i thought was meaningful. Coach told him "We Can't change the situations that're given to us such as a wet pitch, deflated balls etc. However, we can change the attitudes we take." And there was my pw mate trying to make me smile when he figured I'm in another of 'yinghui's think too much and get emotional, again moments. Think the quote makes sense and I'm attempting to think in a way I will make myself happy. I think I hav too many flaws I think I'm gng work out a list of how I shld improve myself. (Big frown) Ok ok ok, positive thoughts where are you, I Dont wna think of how bad I think i am at times now.

Okay I'm off to catch sleep, I'm gng read Oranges arent the only fruit and Proof on the plane later. Wish me luck i will resist temptations, and read the books hahaha. (tough luck actually.)

And don't ask me why I randomly post this post of thankyou notes for friends. I just felt at times i take some of you for granted/ dont show my appreciateion or annoy you all and I feel bad. But I luv each and everyone of you ok................ 12 days without you all seems insanely weird. I will be back with pretty pictures (Wink.)

Bye S'pore, and heyo London, France, Switzerland and Italy (Eggcited.)

freedom

2009-11-30T22:58:00.008+08:00

Theatre week's over.

I'm getting my life back.

This blog is so dead, but I'm determined not to let it die, and I've been peektureless for way too long here's some to sum up my weeks.

Here's mini og outing with simply Kanin Kwanboon Zhewen and my two favourites beatrice and howard. Pathetic I knw but we had fun still. Lunch @ Cine HK Cafe, then off to 7th story where the boys go crazy over L4D2 while Beatrice and I watched WildChild. That show was so hannah montanah but it was damn good. Kanin and Howard shake head over what we're watching but since they're having their guy moments we had every right to hav our girl moments too no? The show was really touching, I almost teared but i knw he will think I'm hopelessly hopeless if i do so... so saving him the trouble to scream at me I controlled my tears. Watch the show online or smthng if you hvnt. It makes me feel like going to boarding school, haha.

We played the soccer pole thing whatever you call that, it was actually fun. And I was being noisy as usual doing the screamings but thats what happens when I get excited so it aint my fault. First round was H and I a team against Kanin and Kwanboon and guess what, we obviously lost cause i suck so badly at such!!!! And then photo below is forfeit cause Kanin and Zhewen owned Kwanboon and H. Embarrassing ttmax they actually did the forfeit + posed for camera for beatrice, losers heh. Last round was a draw of girls vs guys heh. Kanin being soccer boy cant take how hopeless we all are at scoring, hurhur.

This was weeks ago............... Zhiyi and I crashed TP.

And this was a month ago during learning journey with the class, where then after Vivo with Piggles And Yvonne where we hung out @ Pacific cafe. The ambience there was pretty awesome, better than starbucks I think.

And lastly Steamboat + Illuma with the girls to celebrate Gillian's 17th 2 weeks back. Camwhore, the usual stuff.

End of all the pictures/

So, anyway, I've been missing the entire of last week cos of stayover @ grandma's. Couldnt be bothered with quarrels at home, neither did i want to beg him to fetch me home everynight, neither did i want to apologise, neither did i want to travel. So, clementi with grandma settled everything. Dad, Travelling time, and it was quite amazing how well i got along with my grandparents.

I was so touched when they stayed up till 12am to wait for me to get home on the first night over when I didnt hav keys, and how grandma wakes up on purpose around 1am everynight to check im home safely..... breakfast nicely prepared for me everyday. Sometimes i feel so f-lucky to hav such wonderful grandparents. She was never like those naggy irritating old woman version of grandma you see on teevee or the horrible grandparents you see your friends hav.

The Count of Monte Cristo was........ tiring. So many times I wish i cld quit school or smthng or pon every thing but i guess at the end of it everything was worth it. I Dontknow how my innerself feel really. Sometimes I wish i played a bigger role, was given more chances, wish things werent 'biased'..... but then again at other times I thought i knew i was proud of myself for the costuming, for being part of it even though it was being part of the ensemble role... I was proud of the makeup i did for the cast even though I might not hav been the most awesome make up artist.... but still, I tried. Monte Cristo taught me so much, life experience everything, but still sometimes i wish unhappy events dont hav t happen along the way.

I cant be bothered to bitch about some bitches but then again, why the hell are some people so fcuking?!?!?!?!?! Screw you, really. I hope you learn your lesson, stop your bullshit and grow up or you can continue living in your deluded screwedup world full of you and your fakeness, and more importantly a bunch of people who displays the same fake emotions infront of you, urgh.

Whatever.

Anyway I'm flying in two days and my luggage is still empty!!!! I've not started packing I dont knw how to either. 12 days to Europe. Anyway anyway, now that Cmc's over i think I shld REALLY start tidying my room + studying. I need a study partner this holidays, and I'm so in need of $$$$ Cause i need retail therapy, + Beatrice I change my mind I feel like going for manicure alr! Job offer is available if I want but question is am i willing to?!?!? So little time, again.

On a random note, I bought a new dress today + I'm currently quite into Vampire Diaries (BUT I DONT SEEM TO BE ABLE TO WATCH IT ONLINE ANYMORE) and..... I wna catch new moon.

So much for pictures after such a long time and this totally wordy post. So unlike me, I hvnt done this for such a long time. Gnight world, I'm going to bed.

/ / / / / / /

I hate to think how long youre gng be away. Hate to think of the long last hug, hate to think of how stupid i felt crying as you we parted. This is the first time in my entire life I'm gng be away from someone so close to me for such a long time. One month is a long time.

Runaway

2009-11-22T23:45:00.005+08:00

My eyes hurt and my heart aches.

Ignore the previous post. So much for caring so much abt you............. when I was never something someone youre proud of. So much for 'trying to be a better daughter' for some insane heartless fool. You call this love when you're pushing sis, mum and I to the verge of breaking done with your madness, yells and what not. Sweet.

I'm looking for lodging so I can not come home for a week starting tuesday. Theatre weeks give me excuse of staying out, or rather... stay further away from this epic madness at home. I'm going insane, life is getting insane, things are getting insane, everything is out of hand.

(edit)

I'm watching Vampire Diaries to distract myself, and I thought the show's quite awesome except... The scary parts are getting too scary for me to be watching alone at night, and I just closed the window immediately after the scene where Daymont hunts again. Great.

Sometimes I wish you were here, right here.

does distance matter?

2009-11-22T00:00:00.005+08:00

Daddy's recovering fast, which at least comforts and leave me less frustrated with life.

I hvnt thought I wld cry cause daddy wuz ill but guess I did, and guess I figured how matter much I hate him and find him annoying at times, I didnt want anything t happen to him. Past 3 days wuz scary..... I wokeup realising reality was harsh and I shld at least attempt to be a nicer daughter.

Theatre week, the day after tmr....... (Should I move to grandma's?!?!?!?!!? Traveling from Bv to Clementi at 1130pm @ night sounds like a better idea than to payalebar... but then again i need the comfort of my room hmm.) Another repeat of Odyssey, 930am - 1130pm for x5 days, I need to find my positive attitude, fast.

Today I started on long documents again, research, anaylsis and more research. But i hate myself for the pace I'm going, damn. I need to catch up on school work pluz IS research pluz set aside time for myself which i desperately need. Which reminds me math tuition tmr... And I've yet to arrange for econs tuition.

/ / / / /

Yesterday and the day before wuz pretty long phonecalls with H at night. Surprises me how sometimes I get annoyed over the trival-est of the trival matters, yet... ultimately I was actually in the wrong. Each time I tell myself to put a lil more faith in this, somehow awhile later i start casting doubts. It's not fair. I need to stop being like this really, I jump into my own conclusions too much. I like the way we've never fought, the way we've never truely gotten mad at each other for more than a day, the way now i try to recall a time we quarrelled, nothing comes to my mind, the way the three times I've gotten really upset with you, turns out all was nothing but misunderstandings.

9 more days. I'll miss you.

How one year passes/

2009-11-06T21:51:00.005+08:00

This post was typed quite some very long time ago. Pehaps one of the last few days of school, or after the term ended. Can't rmb why it was saved in drafts instead of being posted.

/ / / / / / / / / / / /

I think its scary how time flies. It was only awhile ago I stepped into this place, unfamiliar, nervous.... afraid of what was to come. I rmb the first day of school, it was ... one of the loneliest period i ever felt, ever. There was no one with me, I didnt know anyone.... just me myself in this lively crowd. I rmb feeling jealous seeing smiley faces laughing away in groups. I rmb, myself being scared of being alone. Then it was orientation by which the first few days was so unbearable i wanted to transfer out so badly. Phone calls everynight crying to different people.... And then finally, the og bonded and I figured i wasnt dying for vj to accept me anymore. Then after that awkward period was over, i surprisingly found myself eager to go to school. It was the first time in life, i think that i found meaning in schooling and actually woke up happily each day.

Two weeks of trial lecture was when og bonded best, skipping lectures or rather having no lectures, followed by playing cards @ cafe every single day. It was like...... 'why'd you come to school?' ' Oh i came school to play cards with my friends' kind of life. I think that period wld be one of the most memorable of life in Ac. And then needless to say, I'm thankful for my ogmates. It never fails to make me feel bliss seeing the way how friendships developed etc. I wont even wna imagine life without special friends i made during og period like H and beatrice. Maybe iskandar and hueiting as well.

And then it was the issue of class allocation... I rmb feeling sad and even quite lost because i thought the whole idea of making new friends in a group of strangers was just threatening??

Then after was knowing the drama class......

Toughest period was definitely Odyssey. Struggling with school work, theatre week, tension, deadlines... everything was a complete nightmare. Insane sessions of costuming, being w the other costumers from 6am-12am was one of the days that i thought i wont survive. I mean.... thats like 18 friggin hours can you believe it?!?!! I rmb how it felt like being in touch with dng hair, make up etc for performers, I was so scared I'd screwup. And then that was rachel, fizah who never fail to be there for me during those times. And also th ridiculous conversations with akshaya priya isk padmini etc share while sewing. Whole Odyssey period was tough looking back i wondered how i survived. I rmb crying after the final night of show when the j2s sang songs, and handed out little paper ship to tell us to be strong and sail thru our 2 years in drama.

Theasthai, Terms, Inventio, Promos came and went by. A month and a few days ago was those hardcore econs tuition with tim, or rather lessons with deborah. And then we went crazy and on the verge of mental breakdown thanks to carol ann duffy poems. Funny how the toughest period of cca, and craziest exam period actually passed just like that with me surviving the course.

And now just as I thought the toughest period is over, I think I'm wrong again.

J2 year in another near two months. Next year will be crazier, way, way, way crazier with Fun-o-rama xx, syf, april's show, more importantly IS and A's.

Last day of school, last day of 1AA1'09.

2009-11-05T23:53:00.003+08:00

I hate it when at certain point of time, I question myself if what i do is worth doing.

I need to do my op script now even thou I'm pretty much in the mood for long posts.

Can you believe it, a year of school term just flew passed.

2009-11-03T04:12:00.003+08:00

It's 4.17 am and I'm still wide awake. What is this,damn.

PW OP..... and now, research on Greek?!!??!?!?!?!?

Can you believe it, I think I'm changing my mind again this is the 3rd or 4th time and I need consult and deadline is on thursday.

Bye Victorian, I spent the whole of yesterday night researching on you, and now I'm giving you up and now.... Greek. Why why why didnt I consider that earlier????????

By then again, does anyone know of Greek plays I can do?!

Plans for Hercules and Mag down the drain. (Why no one wrote a longer disney script version that I can use?!) Wld be cute to children's theatre Hercules. Mag is ...... pretty. Plus Sequins and Beads, Chiffon and Organza wld make her dress awesome no?

Courtcase?!

2009-11-01T19:01:00.004+08:00

I'm so confused by what to do for IS next year. Costuming yes.

Period?!!?!??!?!

Play?!?!??!?!?

Style?!?!?!?

Victorian or 18th Century French?

Lady Windermere's Fan or Dangerous Liaison?!

I feel like I'm gng fight courtcase. Need to gather info, evidence, think of reasons, rationales.....

But then again I only have myself to blame, why do I keep changing my mind.

How else more difficult can this get. I need more perserverence. This is not even the start of my Alevel piece, and here I am fretting so much already.

9 more months.

I need a little more confidence, a little more faith, a little more encouragement, a little more patience, a little more perserverence, a little more miracle.

life can't go on like this

2009-11-01T01:02:00.002+08:00

I remember the last time i broke down, was when you told me how fickleminded I was, and then the word 'fickleminded' sparked the whole big quarrel.

Exactly, 10months have passed...... then now I realise. You're right, and I can't and no longer blame you for saying that.

I cant go on with my whole life being this fickleminded, being this unable to make decisions, being this stubborn to my thinking, being........... so indecisive it becomes a pain and i make people lose all their trust in me, every single bit of trust.

I shout for the sky, I'm stuck on the ground, Why do I try, I know I'm gonna fall down.

Oxymoron

2009-10-29T00:39:00.002+08:00

Today's morning devotions was abt nice problems and I thought that was a really meaningful sharing.

We always see problems as problems, we blame the bringer of the problem, our family friends, even god. Yet, we always fail to see problems from another perspective.

Sometimes instead of blaming the root of the problem, we shld look at problems and try viewing them as nice problems. This saying sounds pretty much cliche: Problems are created for a purpose, and problems makes us stronger if we overcome them.

However cliche it may sounds, nice problems are created for such purpose, and nice problems helps us see things via new perspectives that we might not hav thought of before.

Thus, instead of whining and complaining over problems we face everyday, I think I shld try to teach myself of viewing problems as nice problems......

On another hand, today people closest to me were sad and then I felt sad too. I hate feeling helpless when there's nthng i can do to cheer people i love. And, I hate feeling insecure too. Not the kind of relationship insecure I'm talking about, but this insecurity about schoolwork.... Sometimes I wonder do I set too high expectations? Or am i way below expectations?

Project work's a pain.

2009-10-28T00:34:00.002+08:00

I'm going crazy attempting to do I&R. Note: Attempting. And its a failed attempt. I feel useless because I've been staring at the same document since morning and not making any progress. I'm tired, and WR needs here and there changes which is time consuming and....... I got no idea what to say. Cmc costume I brought home to do = still undone I feel so irresponsible. And..... MY IS RESEARCH = NO PROGRESS. Great. I'm so annoyed with myself.

How useless can I get and how much more work must I do?!!!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?

Enough of my rant, this is so meaningless but i just hav t get my frustration off somewhere.

Thank god OP final presentation is on the 11th. Which gives me time to put that aside while I concentrate on I&R, WR and IS.

p/s Manda I swear i luv you ttmax you made my night, and maybe even my day for tmr by offering to help me if i die and panic tmr. You got no idea how grateful i feel to hav you around and offering to sacrifice your time like that for me. Thankyou x98328791093843098 times. xoxoxo

Pw

2009-10-25T20:36:00.003+08:00

I'm just home from PW at Marcus place...... and why is it that everyone is staying in awesome shit condo, I'm jealous. Luv his place with like idk how many pools in total, was quite a great environment. Anw Pw today was quite productive, maybe not totally but still, we did quite abit and there wasnt distraction! We spent an hour fixing the big cardboard box and details of convo throughout the process was simply hilarious. I swear 3yearold and peijin can film an awesome comedy or smthng with like super high tv rating. They hav the more ridiculous way of mocking each other, teasing each other, and threatening each other. Epic joke + entertainment for Marcus and I.

On a random note I've been grouchy lately, esp last night and today morning. Thanks to PW stress urgh.

And........ Yes yesterday night's show at esplanade was pretty awesome. da:ns festival 09, Dunas. Dance accompanied by with flamenco and arab songs. It was... beautiful esp all that tapping on the heels while they dance + the shadows + visualizer effects esp. And the two dancers were just amazing plus, I swear their stamina is insane.

PW now, OP Prelims tmr....... so, bye blogger. Hello PW again.

I swear i cant wait to get this over and done with. OP's scary now, only comfort is.... I think I shld be grateful for my group. Seeing conflicts others face etc makes me feel bless. 2 ELL english pro + Another art student .... solves design and linguistic problems heh.

/ / / / / / /

On a dark side, promo results were out two days ago.

Time for me to catch up with j1 work, I got no idea what happened and the reason for such, bullshit results. Enough of crying I know i got to start trying.

Econs I swear I must ace you next year. Enough of disappointing everyone with my horrible results.

dear diary,

2009-10-20T22:02:00.002+08:00

Today i hell lot of stuff happened and then I spent so long having deep thoughts.... and realised so much, at least kind of and for now.

I always thought Adam Khoo workshops were bullshit, but today's session in school wasnt as boring and senseless as i thought it wld be. I mean, it made sense, and throughout I saw my flaws, my point of view..... similarities, differences by which I think these two matters the most and, understanding. I never thought I wld take such things seriously, but guess as we grow we change and as we get desperate, we try every mean to fight for what we want. So after the session, i thought I saw my set of values, and how I prioritise, feel, and what I was in.........

Things can't go on like this forever, here I am trying to source for solutions, but then when you really really can't find any..... you give up right? Not that I'm saying be a loser, and step backwards and runaway if you meet with setbacks, but if things remain resillient, then one party has to take a step back eventually and just forgo whatever that satisfies no?

/ / / / / / / / / /

Rehearsal was tough today, but I didnt know one small comment could make me tear. Guess it falls back about appreciation like what the morning's session talked abt.

Like, I know my abilities etc were far from targetted standard, but believe me I'm trying. I'm not using inexperience as an excuse, I know consequences, and........ I'm really treasuring every chance I get. I was just glad, at least I think I was appreciated for trying even though I fail kind of miserably half the times. And words like this at such point of time means so much to me.

On another note, I think I'm starting to post more private feelings up this site, but then again, I'm tired of saving the chunks of drafts inside blogger. Today I learnt about people, myself, communicating, compromising, and appreciation and hence........ decided on writing a post like that.

Not exactly my style, but........................... guess its time to reflect. Y'know as much as I try to hide. I'm not as happy as how I was months ago. And, I miss how things were then.

whatever, calculator.

2009-10-19T15:51:00.003+08:00

This is going to be the most senseless post, ever but whatever.

I'm tired of this, tired of being a nobody to you. Tired of being unappreciated for things, tired of similar cycle.

Basically, I'm getting tired of life.

I think life is a bore now, how ironic that exams are over.

I think I hav mood swings, but I'm currently waiting for decemeber for a getaway to europe and if dad lies again this time I'll kill him, and I want christmas to come..................I need those who used to be there for me every single time and those who never fails to let me down.

Or maybe I think I need time alone now, like time spend alone at east coast or smthng, fml.

Back to what i was trying to say.

Actually, whats the point of doing all this shit? And not getting appreciated for a single thing.

Not even half a thing. Sometimes, people are un-feeling arent they?

Am I the sensitive one, or are people just plain lacking of this feeling of being appreciative and touched by what others do for them?

Not gonna cry.

Wordy post, post exam/

2009-10-14T19:12:00.005+08:00

This is gonna be a quick post to sum my past two days and then I'm off to be a potato couch infront of my teevee. I mean if i dont become one now, I doubt I'll ever hav the chance to till.......... mid december?!

So yesterday was my last paper, yes promos officially ended.

Funny how I didnt feel the freedom i thought i felt, but then again, freedom don't count as much as happiness if yknw what i mean. Maybe I dontknow what i mean, whatever.

Headed to dhoby immediately to meet Beatrice, Choo pluz Elizabeth Piggles Bertha Mayson, whatever her name is ha ha ha. Shucks Peijin don't piggle if you see this. Fish&Co @ Glasshse for dinner and I luv the ambience there!! Gossips + ridiculously funny convos and going crazy. Exactly what I needed, Girls night out pluz endless laughter and awesome company. Luv y'all xoxoxo. PlazaSing again then after, (Like thursday I was there for 500 summer and then yesterday again!) .... but we went spotlight which I hvnt been to for ages and then we saw Haloween whatever you spell it stuff and then we had this Haloween idea party. I mean, if we really hav it it'll be the first in my entire life, and though I hvnt hav a liking for spooky stuff....... It sounds awesomely exiciting right! Shall see when the date comes earlier I hope we can get smthng nice out of it.

/ / / / /

Today was another long day out. Maybe not very, but I'm so tired now.

Morning was lazing in bed till I was happy and then over to Lavender. Yvonne's current 'hotel' was so........ so the yknw ideal place t live in. We were supposed to be over for a swim....... but it was more of spending time in the pool ( less swimming actually ha ha) , And this was so till the drizzle became too big a drizzle we headed to the 24th floor for jacuzzi. Moments like those was really relaxing, like you feel like there's nothing you've t rush for/ think abt/ do other than just yknw sit and girl talk whatever you like.

Bugis then after with them, and I finally bought the skirt I've been contemplating on getting for a really long time(-: No major shopping since I'm tight on budget but then again, I like the feeling of ' I think I'm giving myself retail therapy/ self rewarding' by buying myself things i like. Headed to Katong after bugis cause I finally finally decided t go trim my hair, and then toapayoh after bugis cause I decided to be a nice girl to meet up with mummy to surprise her. Long bus ride was smthng I hvnt had for a really long like so when I was on 31 from parkway t tpy I left myself in my world of newsongs + breakingdawn thru th bus ride. And p/s I knw Twilight Saga is silly to some and totally over for most, but then again, I read slow and......... Edward Cullen is still quite very much a sweet boyfriend for a vampire no? I still dk th ending yet so I'm so gng finish my book soon!!!!!!!!

This is such a wordy post.

Watching time pass by.

2009-10-10T23:50:00.004+08:00

Ironic how everytime I blog I comment : I think my blog is getting really dead.

But then again, it true, and I got no idea how to revive my site you see.

So promos are almost over. One more paper to go and I'm done(!!!!!).

But then again, I've been pretty much slipping into a holiday mood, which leaves me to be good and study tmr and the day after.

The past week hav been crazy. Hardcore studying. I regret not starting revision earlier, but then again, thats what happen to me every. single. time.

Econs and Carol Ann Duffy's the biggest pain on earth I swear. And 7 hours of Duffy on wednesday afternoon drove us insane ttmax, although i luv the sense of accomplishment when we spot smthng and go ' There there Juxtaposition!' or like ' I spotted another Anaphora!!!!!!' or like ' There's another similarity between this and this and this!' /// Duffy is crazy and seriously, how does she ever ever ever hav so much braincells to write so many poems, and make so much sense out of it. All of her simple words used in a complicated way, and causing me so much pain.

Depressing subjs aside, 500 days of Summer on thursday night with Rach and Tim didnt turn out as awesome as i thought it wld be. So much for the high ratings. I Dont like the storyline ( If there is even one) and the ending was ......... worse than Enchanted's ?!!!!!

Was expecting a light hearted romance comedy actually, but it was the total opposite and i was so disappointed! But then again, maybe its cause I've always stayed in my bubble of thoughts, which was being idealistic.

And, Modern Antiquities @ Ntu today was really enjoyable. Last minute plans to go support

Rose and I didnt regret going. Like it was de-stressing and I like the way their dance expresses feelings heh. Plus plan to surprise Yvonne worked and she was being embarrassing the whole night.....( I knw what's new right. Dont kill me when you read this! hahaha.)

I'm still deciding whether or not to head over to lioncity tmr for cheap-thrill shopping. Two or three hours off studying won't hurt right.... I mean retail therapy = happier person = more productive studying but then again I'm low on cash sigh.

Before i end this post, Amanda I was trying so hard to think of embarassing things you did or say recently for revenge but I cant think of any, now I think I'm a failure gah.

Okay, so much for finally posting. I'm catching my 8 or maybe 9 hours of sleep now and I swear I hvnt felt more satisfied than this for just increasing 4 hours of sleep C:

Goodnight world.

Like the way you think of things you think i shld do when I'm bored

2009-09-21T02:14:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I think of you still, wondering if you'd look back at the times we went thru.

1. PW is a major pain. I got no idea where and how to start working on saving this shitz.

2. I think I take things for granted.

3. I'm trying to have faith in this, really.

4. I think promos are hopeless. I'll promote, hopefully but with.... with Es and Ds and Cs?!!?!?!?!?

5. Its 2.16 now coffee is keeping me awake and why am i online now.

6. Economis is utter bullshit I shld hav taken ...... China studies in english or geog or whatever.

7. Rachel I cant wait to see you tmr. Yvonne why cant you come over?

8. I need something in my life, life is getting untolerable, well almost.

9. Dear sister I miss, the old you, the old us.

10. Dear mummy if you're not gonna be stronger than this, I got no idea what I am to do.

11. Sometimes I feel helpless, then again, the best way is to runaway and not face reality no?

12. I wish people dont hav to sleep.

13. I miss how school life used to be.

14. I miss ...... how things were when school first started.

15. I miss times we spend slow together.

16. I wish you're here.

17. I'm annoyed with myself.

18. I really really really havent the slightest idea how to push literature to a higher band and to god damnit pass econs.

19. Rachel Lee and Timothy Chow you both better motivate and make sure I study tmr.

20. I'm having internal major crisis.

Let this be a stronger one. I need you all, more than ever.

2009-09-15T00:19:00.002+08:00

So here's life.

Slammed t you, smack in the face. Why is daddy always like this. Why isiz after weeks of coldwar you think I'm in the wrong? Why isiz you never spare a thought for me. Why isiz you call yourself my dad when look at the shit you pass down to all of us. 3 years ago, look at the shit i went thru cause of you and your family. Look at the shit mei is going thru cause of you and your family again. I know this is the meaniest shit to say, but then again, they're the truth the facts the reality. And I'm not wrong this time.

3weeks to promo. Well done myself. And then............... after promos, what's there to look forward to?!

I think I'm gng private this site soon.

And............... I wish I cld read the hearts of people, really.

This post is not making sense.

Sometimes i wonder, how and why we found our way to this.

I'm trying to put faith in this.

2009-08-30T17:35:00.000+08:00

I think I hvnt felt this overwhelmed for a long time.

Friends, Family, Schoolwork...... more importantly, Inventio. Shit this big time.

I'm tired. Tired of life, and routines....... and not having time for myself.

Life haven't been this crazy for the whole 16 years that I've lived thru. Really.

Youre right, I complain so much everyday, now I'm questioning myself if I've been really happy the times I said I'm happy. Maybe, I hvn't. Or maybe the times I felt unhappy outwin the times I felt genuinely happy. And if so, What's the f-ing point of continuing this tell me?

Define friends. Where's the old you?!!!?!?!?!?!!

Screw this shit.

knot in the heart

2009-08-24T00:46:00.003+08:00

Sometimes i miss how things were in the past.

Nothing happened.

Usual phonecalls, usual happily on phone conversations.

Usual web browsing. Usual stumbling into particular sites.

But this time, it was like everything crashing down.

Like looking up, and watching the ball of reality fall from up above.

Then right before things hit you,

You wakeup...... to realise how much you're uncertain of yourself, of things around you.

I miss how things used to be when...

I miss how the past me used to be...

I miss how secure and contented I used to think I wuz.

I wish............. I could trust all of you more.

Trust you with my heart, Trust you with... keeping yourself safe and stop harming yourself.

Trust you both to get along more.

Mei, if you're reading this which i knw you wld.

Why isiz you always fail to spare a thought abt how we feel. That i hav feelings too, and I cry too. I got my fair share of up and down, and I went through the exact same path you're going thru now. It haunts me... to see how you are. I feel helpless, so helpless I hate myself for being once in the situation youre experiencing now. Sometimes I wonder was I the cause of all the shit you go thru.

For you, 'What abt me?' How much do I mean t you.

And, do i take the same standing in your heart, as how i placed you in mine?

Hi Blogger.

2009-08-21T16:30:00.000+08:00

Said I wld be back, so here's back to blogging again although I got no idea how long this 'I shall update my blog when i feel i shld' feeling wld last.
Life hav been so busy recently, I need a long break....... last weekend was awesome, minus the fact tht Sivvy left for States.
There's actually so much i cld blog abt, that I wish I wont forget, but then again, its been months since i last log in here, I wonder how to list the billion incidents and memories down in one post.

Skipped school today, well that explains why I'm back on blogger..... caught up on sleep and at least I feel better now.
falling sick sucks cause I wont hav time to recover, and time dont stop for me.
School's been incredibly busy with Inventio coming up and rehersals starting for end year production. Guess that's life, no?

To sum things up I've been in and out of Chinatown so much as usual. Last Sunday was the busiest ever, airport 4am, redhill to deliver breakfast, home then upperpayalebar's ulu place for furniture hunting, serangoon and then home again. Monday was Chinatown after school, I feel so grateful t hav someone wait for me for a friggin near 5hrs after school to company me over to Chinatown for long GS shopping trip. Yesterday was going to school at 11am for GS rehersals, I think we covered alot. 2 Scenes blocked, 2 out of 5 dances cleared. I hope GS turns out awesome. 8th Sept is so friggin near I swear, and I'm scared..... Yvonne Rachel if youre reading this, yknw i love you. Got no idea how GS will ever work out w/o you both. Arts house last night, caught my idk how many-th show there with drama class.

It's 5 or 6 weeks to promos.
How to study when I dont know what I dontknow?!

Pictures soon. This space is getting...... wordy, and empty.

2009-07-29T02:04:00.003+08:00

It's supposed to be bedtime now.......

Yet here I am with this post.... Econs was a pain I swear, and I'm supposed to be doing storyboard........... .

Why am I blogging?. Z

Picnic on Sunday. It better be good, I mean, it hav t be right? I need catching up w so many people. Manda Baofang Yurong CAN YOU MAKE IT?!

Long day ahead, Rehersals....... I cant wait for tuesday to be over and done with.

I bet I'm gng be whiney in class and then AA1 sure complain again..... but I deserve to be whiney if I on ly hav 3hour plus of sleep yes no?

Xinyi I luv you thankyou for being supportive and I'm saying this cause youre msning me now (L)

Okay, storyboard for GS now and bed.

2009-07-24T23:01:00.002+08:00

A special friend told me a story. About a boy and his father. The boy was a bully, he go around hurting people in town, like it wont hurt a single bit. And so one day, in an attempt to correct the boy's mistakes and to teach the boy, the father told the boy, whenever you think you did a bad thing, or bullied someone, hit a nail onto a wooden plank. And as the days past, the boy slowly turn for the better, and as he hit the last nail to the wooden plank, he realised he actually helped his father in completing the fence. Then the boy felt he did something good at least....... but that's when his father told him. ' I want you to remove one of the nails '. And as the boy un-nailed what was on the plank, the father told the boy, that whatever he do in the past, all the hurting things he did or said,....... while le might hav already long apologised to them, marks cant be erased. Just like the nail, being hit on the wooden plank, a hole is created... and the hole can never be filled to become what it was like before.

And then I realise how much of a heartbreaker i hav been. For even with the closest friends i love, I never did register the fact that actions speaks louder than words and what's done cant be undone. How you hurt someone, you cant erase the hurt. It's the same how you try erasing off a black ink spot on the piece of paper. There'll be markings on the paper showing correction fluid, or if you colour it with white pen or colourpencil, it'll only turn grey, never wld it become ....... how it used to be.

2009-07-19T22:51:00.003+08:00

Dear daddy,

You made yesterday night the worse of my entire life. It's been ages i cried so badly, the last time i cried that badly was probably....... last december? I hate blogging such shit out... but sometimes there's limit to my tolerance, afterall I'm only human. You won't ever see this or even understand what I'm trying t tell you. It's just not fair after 17 years being with you, you dont understand me at all, you dont see the smallest efforts I've put in, you dont get what I wna tell you, what i want in life, and what's important to me and how i feel. You say you love me, But i thought loving was about understanding and giving me what i want and not what you think i should have. You want me to let go of every single thing now, and throw away this 7 month of memories and hardwork. How about you go and reflect how you'll feel if youre in my shoes? How in the world do you change your subj combi w/o getting yourself retaining when youre in end of July of JC1? And how in the world do you god-damn-it want me to drop out to poly when I've alr long settled down so much comfortably in Ac. How in the world can you even bring yourself to qns about your daughter's character, and how in the world can you even bring yourself to tell me how much you disapprove of me being in my current school. You wanted me to do well for my O's, you wanted me to get into a good school. Isnt this relatively considerably above average already? You want me waste the remaining half of the world, and start a three year poly course now.................................

Why isiz always me having to spare a thought for how you feel. I mean, shouldnt a dad be responsible not just for his daughter's safety but also her thoughts and feelings too? Why isiz then tears rolled down uncontrollably, you continued lashing at me................. lashing at me for everything that i landed myself into, not stopping to ask yourself if I'm satisfied with all my decisions.

Tmr onwards, You're not gng have to even see the sight or drive into AC anymore. I hope this makes you happier. I will wake up and make my way to school myself. Without you fetching so you wont hav to go thru the thtought that goes 'shit my daughter's in the school i dislike' anymore. This should make you happier shouldnt it. And even if I've t reach school at 6am nxt year, I will get there without you driving me, even if i end at 12mn i will camp overnight at someone's place........

You make me feel pathetic. Cause you dont even hav friends for you. Cause your friends are just a bunch of superficial people, so you wont ever ever ever learn what true friendship means. So you wont know why wont understand why I wont retain/change my class/leave the school because I wna live my life as how everything is now, with my friends who luv me. Love me ever more than you do.

We've fought had this dad and daughter fights so many times, but I swear I mean it when I say I aint forgiving you this time................. Yes everything you do, the button that triggered yest fight were all due to your love for me. But then again...... whats the point of loving your daughter when you dont want her to be happy. When you selfishly refuse to acknowledge her efforts, when you forgot what encouragement means?

/ / / / / / / / / / / / /

I'll Still be in love with you.

2009-07-18T14:28:00.050+08:00

I think I must be dreaming
That you are here with me
Must have died and gone to heaven
And it's all that I hoped it would be

When the eagles forget how to fly
When it's twenty below in July
And when violets turn red
And roses turn blue
I'll be still in love with you


I live to be around you
You take my breath away
Can't help but talk about you
Every night and day

When eagles forget how to fly
And it's twenty below in July
And when violets turn red
And roses turn blue
I'll be still in love with you

All I need is you
Need you just to hold me, console me
Over and over.......I love you

When the eagles forget how to fly
And it's twenty below in July
And when violets turn red
And roses turn blue
I'll be still in love with you
Still in love with you

I'm supposed to be doing Report for fieldtesting...... But, but....... This song is replaying on my playlist...First heard it from Marcus' IS performance. The lyrics are touching and really sweet,...this song's gng be played for my wedding in future heh. 

Back to 5more minutes of work, And then I'll be off to school, as usual ofcourse.

Anw, before i end, Yesteday and the day before was one of those happy evenings.

Day before I was a nice girl, waiting for Yvonne and Rachel for two long hours for them to finish painting stuff, then headed to Airport to send the rest of the drama class off to Vienna. Airport for dinner, and studying... all the way till ten pm then rush over to t1 to meet the rest. And I swear I've the best seniors cause Rose and Jo send all three of us home, make me feel touched happy and guilty only. 

HollandV to roam afterschool yest, Then headed to bugis tgt with Howard to meet Yvonne Rose and Jo for script hunting for GS. Then.... Rachel came to join us from esplanade... and uh, I reached home late (Again.) But it was overall a nice evening, cause despite all the endless teasing....... all of you make me happy only. (L) 

Shucks I'm gng be late for NOL k bye. 
Peijin If youre reading this, i love you okay, cheerup (Hugs)

2009-07-14T23:38:00.008+08:00

I'm supposed to be reading GP Package now.......... and do my vocab and catch up on a week of Econs that I've missed out. But this is obviously not working out well cause..... my econs notes are still lying in my file.

S.R: Book consultation with Jas tmr. Ungraded for Econs term exam, how awesome is that(?!).

And........ I'm gng sign up for Econs tuition. Anyone interested?

Okay okay, back to GP, then do my planner then............ One chapter of Eclipse and I will go sleep, dont wna be panda nor whinny girl again tmr.

On a more serious notes, life is getting from bad to worse. Sometimes i wonder......... is peace starting to avoid me nowadays? Family is being a total pain. School...... a total bitch. I need a fortuneteller, or someone to warn me if things will continue at this rate or show improvements.

Look after my heart - I've left it with you.

Edward Cullen

What if

2009-07-12T13:57:00.006+08:00

Life hav been ............. so full of up and down lately. I knw Its so cliche t use a term like this 'life, up and down' But i guess I knw what it means now. Like one moment I felt I've got the world, felt so loved so cared for, given so much attention.............. nxt moment every truth dawn on me, I wna runaway.

Yesterday marked the end of all J2 Is-es. Had Chrys showcase. Last time as the bitchy 2nd wife who stole Chrys husband........ I think I'll miss IS soon. I mean, for the past half the year, I've been working with Div for her ritual dance... Chrys and Sam with walking in as 2nd wife..... Then yesterday was showcase, this week Alvl tsd pract finally over. No more ISes......... till my own one nxt year hmm.

/////////

Last night was another of the sit down think through stuff nights..

Again, I thought of the same stuff over and over again. No way out, but for the long term, I've to be stronger dont I.

I need to change to improve myself but then again, I dont wna change myself.

You wont hav a single idea how thankful I am for all the people i hav around me, all my strength pillars I cant do without. All the wonderful J2s.

Marcus was being the world's most irritating person yesterday, making me guilty abt forgeting his honeymilktea at least a hundred and one times........ making me guilty abt killing his cabbage the other day when i was helping him with his cabbagy roses........... Sure enough such joke of the day never fail to make me smile. And Rachel Lee tell me what wld i do without you. (Im sorry for losing my temper yknw i love you.)

Yet again after leaving sch at 11pm yesterday night I wonder why I seem to forget to bring home the happy mmrs, but left the stress clinging on, dragging behind me.

Term exam results tmr. Let me pass GP Lit and Econs........ And at least a B+ for drama please.

Tell me years down the road, you'll still be the one I lean on.

The one who'll tell me, Phone me if you feel like crying/.

For my best Girlfriend ever.

2009-07-05T02:31:00.004+08:00

AMANDA CRIED WALKING MACRITCHIE TREETOP WALK IN SEC1/2.............. RIGHT?!

Plz tag if you rmb it that way too and I'll love you vmuch ('',)

Damn it Amanda I'm so proving it to you.

Treetop walk also cmi, This girl still want go Spore Flyer................... Ha.ha.ha.

K la i tease you abit love you very much still, DONT FEEL UNLOVED. This post is specially dedicated t you, and I'm depriving myself so badly of my sleep, FOR YOU ONLY.

That day 2 and a half hours phone call also, then now 2.36 alr somemore i woke up to reach school 6am today. See....... I'm making so much sleep sacrifice for your sake.

Tell me if you should still deserve the right to feel unloved not Hur hur hur hur hur.

Stop pretending you're alone tonight, we're here for you, always. (:

W/o you I'll be miserable at best.

Cant change/

2009-07-02T22:27:00.003+08:00

(Picture credit: Another of thingsweforget/bs post it linked from Zoey's site.)

I thought this note suits exactly how i feel now........... (And for the whole of today.)

I cant do anything about this all. It aint all my fault i guess, but then, I was the cause of this all........

I've tried, tried to stay commited, i put in and try to accomodate to all timeslots........ I whine sometimes about 'why must i do this' ......... but then it was another of my whine for the sake of whining, complain for the sake of complaining but didnt mean it moments and words. I've put in my best, really. I'm sorry.

I'm closing down and not going to continue with episode 9 of Diaryof Quarrantine Girl..... I mean it's been over for so long, What's the point of talking about it again????

This week hav been a hectic week. I'm finally done and over with Terms. Was a major 'Cant-make-it-promos-better-be-better' papers. I mean okay, math was easy ( But then agn, HOW DIFFICULT CAN H1/AMATH GET after going thru Olvls?!) If I don't get at least a B for math, I swear I'm a complete failure. Drama paper was okay, cld hav done better but then my time management sucks don't it. Set design Qns was a total mycreativity.and.nonsense.imagination only. Lit was average, I think I might fail as usual though. Econs dont need say. Everyone knows how hopeless I'm at economics z.

Interesting-er next post.

This post sums up words of nothing.

Episode 9 the nxt post.

2009-06-25T01:52:00.003+08:00

Can you believe it, I've done utterly nothing from 12am till now....... which is approximately two damn hours. Term's starting in less 62hours. Yet here I am, Reluctant to start work and thinking about things which just make me seem like a weaker girl. I think I get paranoid over tiny things easily.

But then again, Its like I see something coming. However weird this may sounds, I see smthng coming..... I feel as if I'm losing faith in this. Gambling, gambling happiness, buying hope. Been though this, left scars behind, left voices that still echoes in me at times. I don't want a repeition.

You tried me giving what I once had before, and you gave everything, everything including insecurity.

2009-06-24T02:37:00.009+08:00

Diary of homequarantined episode 8 is boring.

But then again, I'm actually happier with it being boring that interesting Please lor, interesting only also to people who laugh at me being so pathetic quarantined z.

Phone call woke me up again today. Eh holiday also wake up before 9 quite sad case yknw ):

Mrs Ng was again first to call........... and then ten minutes later Bedoksouth vp.............. and then another 15min or so later Tao Nan vp.

I mean, how to fall back aslp when within half an hour the house phone rings constantly so loudly for three times?! Irritate me only.

Today I was restless at home, cldn't settle my heart to do hardcore studying.

And technically I'm left with tmr ( today ) to do proper revision since thurs friday = Class Cip, plus dinner date with long time i nv see you friend on thurs evening and tuition on friday. Not to mention, Saturday IS DEP UNSEEN TEXT PAPER ALR ..... , and Culminatio till 10pm. Hmmmmm. But I'm actually excited for Culminatio heh.

Oh, and I'm more than half way through Newmoon.

Being down in the evening resulted in me reading Newmoon at swing for near an hour. But, it's been so long since I sat there, swinged, book read.

Oh, and today my nose ranaway. I sneezed...... at least 200 times I'm so not exagerating. Dustbin filled with tissue paper, gross.

For a moment I wondered if I was done with h1n1..... But fever didn't come z.

I mean, If I'm down with swine it'll mean extention or bye to term exams yknw!!?!!!!!

I think flu virus can spread over the phone Lol.

Shucks its 3am now......... I hope I'll wake up on time before 7.55 then can msg Mrs Ng before she call my house at 8 on the dot again. /hmm.

Thursday come quick, I swear I'm stepping out of the gate 8am sharp11111!!!

Episode Seven.

2009-06-22T22:49:00.003+08:00

Episode Seven
My alarm was supposed to ring at eight, amanda was supposed to give me morning call ( I still don't believe me phone got prob and that you tried calling but cant get thru!)

Yea...... I intended to be a good girl to wake up at 8 and text Mrs Ng.........

But I wasnt late okay. She msg me first at 7.59 ( I swear I'm not lying, 7.59 okay!)

And spoilt my plans of being nice and msging her on time or rather first to msg her to prove I didnt forget.

Anyway........ I overslpt for 15 minutes till hse phone rang and mummy answered the call.

(Uh, Mrs Ng gave up waitng for me to text her and figured calling was faster ha ha.)

And here's th best part,

My Vp offered to buy food for us, and come over to deliver it cause she's on leave today!!

I mean who would expect your principal to do such things for you when you're under home quarantined?!!! Mummy said she was really touched, hmm actually who wont?

But anyway, after she hung up phone call with mum she text me again to reassure me to tell mum that if we need help just sms her what we need!

I mean ofcourse we wont hav asked her to 'run errands' right! But still it was the thought that counts, Seriously, it was so unexpected! But so sweet rightttttttt.

On another note, my 18 bunnies don't hav t starve anymore.

Baldhead came..... Okay la i stop being mean, give him nicer name. Ha ha ha. Daddy's deliveryman... okay Daddy's working partner came today morning to deliver 25kg, whole big sack of rabbitfood. I mean, this is so not in his jobscope ha ha!

He started complaining we're exagerating asking him get so much cause it's heavy.......... And when he realised I hv 18bunnies his expression was epic ha.

And as i was saying...... he got no initiative D :

He very very very nicely got rabbit food........... But he cld hav bought breakfast/brunch/lunch for us also right! Eh what's this I'm under home quarantine and we're running low on food supply..... and my rabbit gets food and I dont?

Sadface, again.

Oh anwww. Today i only hav one visit from Mr police Ha ha!

It's been twice a day the past two days, but once only today! And he was quite nice cause he didnt make us sign, and didnt ask for individual temperature!

But he wanted to see all of us okay irritating only. Didnt believe all five at home cause mei and dad were sleeping in room Z.

.Anyway, I cant wait for thursday, Daddy and I both wna plan runaway alr,

he's complaining he needs to go back to the office and settle some stuff in bank,

I'm complaining i wna meet my friends and go out study,

And we're both complaining we not used to staying at home.....):

I mean Why are we locked at home?!!!!!!! It's unfair.......... Holidays 5days lockup 7days damnit.

Monday come faster plz ....., or rather thursday when terms end...Ha ha.

And ofcourse, nxt friday(Heh.)

Stay the same.

DIARY OF.....

2009-06-21T20:22:00.006+08:00

Okay, this may seem utterly ridiculous....... Either Rach or manda gave me th idea to do this:

Uh huh......... it make sense alright however ridiculous it seems. And I actually hav been looking forward to dng this post since today morning(!!!) I know right, ridiculous right. But i was actually excited over this ( Okay dont laugh I know stupid kay, please me abit I'm going crazy at home. Don't read if you don't want to!)

So here's Episode One ( As mentioned yesterday. )

9.30am yesterday phone rings.

'Hi I'm calling from MOH and we're coming over now.......'

'WHAT?!'

'Yea we're coming over now. You'll be under HQO...... . Uh we'd tell you more when we get over'

'WE'RE STILL SLEEPING. You dont wna see us in a not awoken state do you?! 1030.......... kthxbye'

( Okay, ignore th kthxbye part we obviously didnt say that.)

1030am. Door bell rings......... Police officer and moh office with mask and gloves at doorstep.

( It's alr mentioned yesterday so i shant elaborate.)

Oh missing point was :

Food storage at home was obviously low I mean who will stock up your fridge when you're going overseas right! So.......

' Eh, if we need to get food how?'

'Er....... I'm not sure. Food delivery? Call Macs or Pizza hut okay.'

I mean..... So you want me survive on fastfood on 6days for x3 meals if I rly dont hav food at home! And If i got flu I'd spread to the poor delivery man won't I?

Mum was joking we should just get people to literally throw food over the gate and we'd throw cash over too...... or hang it over in basket with bamboo stick, how dramatic can this get?!

Oh, missing point number two;

Office: 'Eh you got alot rabbits.'

'Eh yeah, 18 altogether.'

'Eh, My rabbits got no food okay, how we feed them if you quarantine us!'

Officer: 'Errrrr..... carrots don't eat rabbitfood la'

'We're low on food supply, even if there's carrots it's my dinner right!'

Officer: 'Thursday only, very fast quarantine will over one! I dontknow how to help, sorry'

I've a temperature log book. Must record temperature 3 times a day, 8am 2pm 8pm.

How awesome righttttttttz.

Episode Two

9.40pm yesterday.

'Eh go your balcony check I think doorbell ringing.....'

' No lah crazy, Its near ten who will ring doorbell?!'

Standing outside gate, men in white mask and gloves

'Wts!'

So, at near 10pm when both mei and jingrong asleep alr, they came to check if we're at home or not, and to give us Tamiflu........... take for ten days every morning and, its th kind of pills i hate to get them down my throat z.

Big fat sigh.

And btw, notice the time, seriously i pity those officers, I mean, they hav been running around all day in cab all over Spore going door to door till so late!

Episode Three

11am today. Doorbell.

Needless to elaborate............ men in mask and gloves again.

Taxi at door........

Checking if we're home.......... temperature report of everyone of us.

Episode Four

Phone rings.

'Hi is this yinghui this is Mrs Jenny Ng principal of Acjc..............'

(For a moment i thought i got into trouble!)

And so i was asked to give details of Melbourne trip etc etc etc etc,

And she knows of yingrun and jingrong names okay! .........

And so, I'm asked to sms for the nxt three days my temperature at 8am every morning to my viceprincipal.

I mean, I didnt know its so difficult to be a vp, Mrs Ng hav to go call everyone who went overseas personally on a sunday afternoon! Goshz.

Episode Five

Minutes later Sms came.

Sms from Mrs Ng again confirming airplane row number I was seated, and row number of involved flucase.

Next msg Mrs Ng told me to Take the time to study hard for terms in the meantime and......................

take the one week as family bonding z.

Episode Six ( Last for today! )

Dinner time, 7pm today.

Doorbell rings.

Policeman......... Alone, without mask but gloves only ha ha! I bet he gave up I mean how to survive with those big white mask in a weather we hav in Spore right!

So he asked for temperature again........

Dad speaks in Chinese...............

Policeman : ' Er.....Sorry I'm malay I Dont understand!'

Remind me of Iskandar only like how i always thought he was chinese for like 2weeks plus of Orientation Ha.

And then.....

'Eh Taxi drivers earning alot these two days huh.'

' Yah........ meter running hundred dollars alr, and each of us got to do 20house each time'

and then convo continued........

'Eh i like your house! No dogs, the previous houses i went to were really scary.'

LOL/

Everyone thinks my life is interesting now................. Right.

I mean, Its damn irritating to think that,

Its holidays now I miss everyone for like 6 days cause of Melbourne trip......

Now still stuck at home and can't go out!!!!!!!?!!!!!!

I can't wait for CIP on thursday although half of me is reluctant to go cause i so need to study for econs. But AT LEAST IT MEANS STEPPING OUT OF HSE RIGHT?!

I'm gonna step out of my gate at 8am sharp I swear, even if it means reaching Amk early.

O.....kay back to econs for now, I mean I've spent the past 5 hours on elasticity and I'm still not done, there is finally progression but, I just realise i know nuts about demand and supply.

Uh, Wait.........

5 pages of econs notes, and 7 pages of textbook means progression still right?

( Or is it not?!)

Quote:

Love and friendships don't cost a thing, but I'm willing to pay attention.

You?

Insecurity

2009-06-20T12:50:00.010+08:00

HAPPY SWEET SEVENTEEN MANDA I LOVE YOU

Stop thinking of nonsense which you never fail to think of already okay! And rmb whatever happens, I'll be there for you (: ( Okay so cliche. Haha) But anyway anyway I wont ever forget all the crazy things we did tgt, and esp msn convo. Epic I swear. I'm suddenly reminded of all the nonsense convo we came up with about our future to piss and make ___ and ___ jealous, our worldfamous pianist and model dreams ( Those two were the worst that i rmb of) And more horribly naive and ridiculous stories we made to make ourselves happy. Thanks for always being there provided the best advices and listening to me talk my nonsense or cry. Ha ha. Luv ya best.

Stop giving up hope and go find motivation okay! Happy 17th (:

( And P.s send me the neoprints you scanned! See la we hav so little pictures later you see alr cnfm complain i post not nice pictures of you again z.) Ha ha.

Okay so anyway the reason why I'm blogging online....... :

I'm officially issued home quarrantine order by Moh. How else greater can life get?!

Can you believe it, officers actually came down, check our temperature issue us each a kit containing thermometer mask and a whole stack of i dk what. And there'll be a fine of up to $10000 bucks if we get out of house and get caught.....................

I mean like............. (Fill in word yourself) I feel so crappy D :

Initial plans to go out, ..... even study trips to nlb ( Which i so desperately need since I aint concentrating at home) got to be cancelled. I think. Or can I sneak out like pretty plz like a cherry, even two cherry on time?!

Sadface.

My life's so awesome. Really.

And to entertain myself I'm browsing thru pictures agn I miss the kangaroos, Ha. A few of my fav pictures below I cant stand wordy posts anymore.

And..... I think I shld try to stop letting my mind run wild. Time to study, Again.

Quote: Do you think of me as much as how much i think of you?

Back from Melbourne. Pictures up, facebook.

2009-06-18T21:21:00.005+08:00

Dear diary,

I feel ...... like a billion words are stuck, like tears just welled up refusing to spill.

I hvnt felt like this for quite a long time.

There was no reason, no particular reason for this at all.

Its like seeing somehting, thus triggering memories, and from one memory linking to another image and then another thought and then another scar and then another pull at the heartstrings.

Current song on playlist : Courage, Superchicks.

Maybe I'm tired of insecurity. Tired of feeling th same way i once felt before. Tired of self convincing, tired of trying so badly to tell myself to be stronger..... only knowing it's hard.

Tired of trying to change things yet seeing no significant change for the better at all.

Tired of being afraid, scared, scared of .....................

So much stuff. Maybe disappointment too.

////

Terms nxt saturday. I hvnt touched econs. Pw is a pain, esp EoM.

I need to study.

4 Sets of drama notes down. 3 thick ones to go..............

I need to figure out how to do graphing, I mean I shldnt fail h1 math right.

..............I've failed all my lit assignments, time to pass them in terms, which means more detailed readng.

Econs? I dont even see hope. Great.

MELBOURNE

2009-06-12T18:34:00.002+08:00

I'm off to Melbourne till the 18th morning.

It'll feel weird, I'm so used to going to school every.single.day.

Study week once I'm back so in th mean time, I'll try not to think about Terms and enjoy holiday.

I hope i can do shoppinggggggg Heh.

I'll miss everyone even if its 5 days. K bye for now.

Xoxo

2009-06-07T22:34:00.000+08:00

I'm supposed to be doing EoM now.

Supposed.

I havent even started.

Flying off on friday, back nxt thursday. Terms on the 27th.

I think i feel stressed now/

K whatever. This is another senseless post cause Yinghui's feeling sadface now. And she needs motivation......................

Kbye.

How fast and slow time passes.

2009-06-07T02:17:00.009+08:00

Picture abve taken from Monday's trip to Airport. Study plan was epic failure, we had so much to catch up with, we forgot about 'studying'. Only productive work i completed was like 3/4 of lit essay, ha.

First week of holidays passed really quickly and slowly at the same time. I mean, it's Sunday..... and there goes my first week of June hols. When it was monday i was like Friday should come faster, and then now that it was Saturday a few hours back i looked back and realised I've done practically nothing this week.

Wednesday a few days back was a long day. School for Chrystal's IS then shopping at Marina with Mum and sis on Tuesday. Then Cca on wednesday followed by town with mummy, Plaza sing with Bertha Elizabeth Piggles then went to catch fairytale hearted with th rest of the drama people........ then waffle town thenafter. Thursday......... I took an hour to go to school for 40minutes of Chry's IS, and another one hour home okay! The rest of thursday evening..... Pictures below will do the talking! :

Supposed Iloveu without the E. Baofang you lost her balance(!)

Last three pictures're my fav. Dinnered at Ecp lagoon food centre with bnclique, the food there's really awesome i swear! Had satay, chickenwing, the what-you-called-that-fried-egg-which-i-like, Yurong and my favvvvvv Sambal bbq Stingray, sugarcane juice, hokkienmee, rojak.. Basically dinner was all of our favourite(!!) We were so full but contented happy people after that, heh.

And before i end off my post......................

I MISS MY LONG FRINGE/:

Haircut early morning tgt with Yvonne, I was so excited in th morning when I wokeup. But......... but after the haircut i immediately turn and went 'Shit, Yvonne my fringe damn short rightttttt!' 'Errrr (Burst out laughing) Yah. Very short.'.......... '9-year-old.......' 'Crap/ Later th class sure laugh at me one lar' ..........

The convo went on something like that, I so wanted to die, I got layered fringe..... that somehow look like bangs cause of th length....... that makes me look even more 9yearold(?!!!!!!!).

Okay back to doing whatever I'm doing.

I know, It's 3.03 now... I'm sleeping at insanely late timings, Again.

But hey..... I filed two terms worth of notes and worksheets okay. It took me a whole day, but I've finally gotten it done. Hopefully, I'll be motivated to study. Hopefully.

P/s. Monday should come a little fasterrrrrr, Just this once, I'm actually looking forward to the first day of the week, heh.

HAPPY PICTURES.

2009-05-20T20:26:00.014+08:00

HI WORLD I KNOW WHEN I SAY I WILL UPDATE TH NXT DAY.......... I end up leaving my blog to rot and die (Again) So hopeless, i know i know. But hey school's been so busy and I've been home only 11pm th past few nights.......

Anyway there's more than 30 pictures below i think. All of happy faces, Acsian theatre, and awesomely awesome AA1.

Past few weeks hav been pretty eventful minus th fact that I sleep for like less than 25hours a week. I've actually learnt to survive on one or two hours a sleep each day how amazing z.

Pictures with my fav teacher who lets me sleep in class and submit homework weeks after the dateline:

And AA1's th most awesome iswearrrrrr. Our present for him so sweet righttttt. I love th board and pictures we gave him, and i'll be the happiest girl if someone get me a board like that done up nicely with pictures and wishes, so sweet.

Top Girls performance at SRT DBS Arts house.

Oh, and we had dinner at Dhoby exchange before that Just Acia or whatever that place is hav nice food with free flow drinks and icecream heh. And th show was awesome...... minus the fact that i fell aslp at th ' frightenning' part! Z.

Theasthai last saturday, THANKYOU ALL WHO CAME, AA1, Costumers, some from OG, Xinyi Tony Aaron Zoey Baofang etc etc i love you guys to bits and pieces wld hav died without moral support from all of you! And thank you for sunflowers and roses etc, You've no idea how much a happy girl i was......... despite being nervous like !@#$#%^# before the show.

Pictures from Christian Lacroix exhibition at Spore museum. The costumes are damn pretty i swearrrrr, I mean, they really inspired me alot for fashion design...... maybe maybe someday I'll get something like that and hav my own costume exhibition like so cool righttttttt..........! ( Okay, its only normal for a girl to hav big dreams, its realistic........ if I stop being fickle minded and put in more effort, dont laugh! )

Pictures from photobooth with Pw group minus 3year old. Marcus Spasticccz. Heh.

Much ado about nothing!

I still got Og outing pictures missing out, but abv pictures are enough righttttt.

And, It just occured to me i've been to town pretty much frequently now in th evenings heh. Town again yesterday, dhoby with akshaya, priya and rach. Met manda then after. Amanda i swear you got th most ridiculous life on earth. Sat down did alot of catching up and ended up laughing at each other's nonsense life for i dk how many minutes straight. Neoprints are that, was a billion years since I last took them and i thought yesterday neoprint effects were cute heh. Dinner, and Caught Monsters Vs Aliens with howard. The show's ridiculously retarded i swear, but it was quite touching. I mean, I've always not hav a liking for cartoon movies, but then again, those which are touching are an exceptional right.

O..kay. Anyway i think this post's th longest for this year. Holidays finally here although i've yet t feel th holiday mood yet. Terms starting on th 27th, which means more studying. And drama's still eating my life and...... i need t catch up with so many people so badly.

Bye world. I'll attempt to update again, soon. I mean, I want back my life of online diary keeping hm.

2009-05-14T19:19:00.004+08:00

Yinghui is still in school right nowwwwwwwww. And I'm blogging from my mac but battery is running out in 38 minutes and I'm staying till like let's say 815?!

Today's a tiring day and I'm attempting to draft for 800 tsd essayyyyyyy. 800 words (!!!!!!) O....kay off to work Bye myself.

Oh and I can't wait to post pretty pictures from outings soon, maybe tmr night or the day after on this site before my diary closes down again. Heh

And P.s

THEASTHAI NXT SATURDAY.

ACJC DEP J1s PRODUCTION

A night of Monologues 7.30pm 23rd May 2oo9

Acjc Faith Centre of Performing Arts

Tix $5 each PLEAE SUPPORT THANKYOU!

and P.p.s Come with flowers for me after my performance you'll make me a very happy girl! (:

Long ago posts.

2009-05-10T01:59:00.002+08:00

Hi yinghui's finally back after missing for 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 ...... and many more days that I've lost track when's th last time I even log into blogger.

New blogskin, layout and link///

I thought i needed a change, and for my site to be back. I missed how it was when I at least hav diary entries online ..... At least whenever I felt like looking back, I could read thru all my logged entries, at least it means I'm keeping track of things instead of letting my life whizz past just like that and then forgetting what I wna keep as mmrs.

And anyway its 2.08 now and I hvn any idea what I'm doing up late at night again when I'm so deprived of sleep and I hvn any idea why I wasted lets say 2 or 3 hours doing plain nothing when my to do list is ....... like, terribly long. No, wait I think its growing.

Upcoming :

Theasthai photoshoot tmr // Much Ado abt Nothing fortcanning park tmr.

Hopefully, Og outing on monday(?) (:

Econs test(S)

And Theasthai's coming in less than two weeks(???????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Econs demand and supply before I catch sleep or I'd die tmr. Short posts again, but still,

Goodnight world.

Stagnant blog with more colours.

2009-04-05T20:57:00.009+08:00

Hi world I feel so foreign with using blogger now.......... Haven been using blogger for such a mega long time because i'm so caught up with school. Leaving hse 6plus in the morning and coming home after ten has becoming such a routine i'm used to it. Anyway abv pictures from Methodist walk with AA1 and best girlfriends from dep when we went for Winter's tale at esplanade. I'm seeing all of them more than 12 hours a day esp Yvonne Rach Audrey Iskandar............... .

Many events have been going on lately, but I dont hav time to update which makes me sad, i think i miss out too much abt life that i shld blog and pen down to make sure i rmb them):

Fareast shopping with Rach, Winter's tale with dep class, Chinatown shopping trips, bandconcert, all the many many stay in school till late night costume sessions, even long ago og outing last march holidays to Settlers.........blablabla.

Tmr marks start of theatre week which means no lessons for me to attend and hardcore costuming/rehersal sessions. There's always been rising tension each drama session now, and I cant wait till saturday comes, for odyssey to be over........... for me to finally get the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction all of us have been waiting for.

Anyway time to do something abt my to do list before i get more hopeless, and time to sleep....

p/s I'm staying over at grandma's starting tuesday for a week which means no more long distance travelling heh.

p/p/s........... I suddenly long for a long night out at Ecp...... just sit under the stars, hear the waves after nice dinner at foodcourt there.... and have long heart to heart talk time.....

and, I wna go iceskating............. (Right, so much for sudden long for to do stuff. )

I cant wait for June hols to start, really.

2009-03-22T23:05:00.002+08:00

Miss Gillian Yeo,

Pictures on flickr you antifacebook! Blogger will take 44 days to upload 44 pictures Ha ha.

Happy saving them all!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/36601992@N07/

See you when i see you.

Xoxo.

///////////////////////////

P.s I wish i can pon school tmr cause I hvn completed hwk. 50pages of GP package seems so scary.

And p.p.s anyway anywone out there wna adopt bunnies? I hav Nineteen, additional 6 more an hour ago pretty please save me i'll love you.

Dear diary, I feel so busy.

2009-03-19T22:31:00.003+08:00

Been so long since i last updated, again.

March holidays doesnt feel like March holidays. I've been going to sch monday tuesday wednesday thursday......... and on all days ending earliest 7, latest 8plus. Like, walking in and out of school a total of 4 times today, and now i realised how horrible it feels without car transport in the morning, squeezing Mrt long walks when i'm still in sleep mode, I wish dad plans to move house and then move to buonavista or hollandv or something. Okay, I'm done with senseless ranting and shan't continue.

Anyway, life hav been so busy as usual these days. And, I miss rachel and yvonne, didnt see them the entire week cause they're both down for workshop hmm. Finally meeting up with people i hvn met up for like 3mths (!!!!) coming saturday... Amanda Baofang if you're seeing this pretty please say you're coming.

And...... I got no idea why I'm blogging now, why I hav sudden urges to blog when i hav a whole long long long list of 'to-do' up written big and bold, and best of all i hvn started on hwk, ( Big Sigh. )

Yesterday i was so proud of myself i actually spent almost 5hours in library, both Nlb as well as esplanade. Went monologue hunting with Tim, and it took way longer than what we expected. I got so restless keeping quiet staring at shelves,going thru page by page reading all the available monologues, and it was frustrating when i cldnt find anything that i cld even relate to.

And, till now i hav consideration pieces but I've yet to settle down on my confirm 3rd piece nor make up my mind to have an anorexic or some bgrelationship piece as my first choice.

And to add on to ranting abv, I so totally haven started on hwk other than lighting ppt, and chrytal's IS stuff. Great. So i have this little time left to decide and complete homework.

And i met gaoxin at pylb after sch yesterday t go home tgt. She said i'm taller now!!!!!! (:

Today was drama in the morning, mimeworkshop.... (Selfnote for logbook entry.)

After that was supposed Og outing. I miss every single one in Og so much i swear, esp like how bonded we were during first few weeks of sch including lecture only week, always tgt and stuff.

Anyway half of today finally felt like holiday cause i finally got out of school to play Heh. Had an awesome time at settlers with howard hueiting and barry, even though its obviously a very sad outing with 4ppl only!!!, but still, it was fun. Played th duck shooting game agn and i was nice today unlike th other time, uglydolls was a fun but a so not for me to play game cause my reaction time forever too slow, and i realised i'm not that bad at tabboo after all heh. But still, it was really fun, even though i ... left early again thanks to Divya's IS.

kay........ this is another wordy post. Blogger is such a pain when it comes to uploading pictures so i'll skip that, moreover no one reads this anyway i think my blog's becoming some private diary soon........ ( maybe not i hvn any idea hmm. ).

Bye world.

And, I need a timebank.

2009-03-14T22:09:00.003+08:00

I feel so depressed today. Been the first time i felt this way, broke down so badly cause of school since i step into AC.......... Life doesn't seem to be anywhere on th bright side now. Everything's so hot and cold. Like how things/times that make me happy are always so on and off.... Like people's reactions........ I feel weird, like I'm totally contradicting myself. I read thru what i blogged yesterday, I dont get why i experience such extreme emotions.
I'm just crying everything out. But nothing's helping. Not like crying will change situations, not like anything can make things better now. I feel so horrible, I feel as if i'm running out of places to throw my emotions.

Dear diary,

2009-03-13T23:20:00.007+08:00

I haven been blogging for such an awfully long time. Life have been so hectic and everyone's right............. Dep is eating up my life. Having costume sessions, dep classes........ and many many many I.S rehersals with divya and I'm reaching home earliest at 6pm......... usually near nine pm. Shucks. But still......... I thought i'm enjoying life at Ac so far which makes me happy. And i'm starting to love th AC Spirit, it's really heartwarming how i thought i hav th 'big family' feeling over here. Moreover, drama friends/classmates esp Yvonne Rachel Ken Timothy Andrew and th rest of dep class never fail to make my day, Xoxo. And at least i know they're people that never fail to be there for me. Peijin Iskandar Pw grp members and rest of AA1 hav also been really awesome, despite th fact of how irritating and crazy they get...... esp Iskandar with th one hundred and one times of ' What the shit' everysingle day and Mingrui being th crappiest person i've ever talk to. But still..... See all this are people that make me happy and ofcourse not forgeting Og people! (: Heh.

btw,....... before i forget, HAPPY BELATED 17TH BIRTHDAY BAOFANG.

/////////////////////

I've costume tmr.......... And yknw tutorials started and blah but i dont feel th 'studymood' yet which is a totally bad thing hmm. And i hav only one week left to find monologues for theasthai. Anyone hav any idea or know of any suitable monologues for me plz text me i'd love you very much i swear. O.. and today i finally realised that i'd definitly fail h1 Math damn. Math's getting so depressing again, like seriously no one else will imagine how sucky math lesson are except those in my math class, damnit. I dont understand a tiniest bit abt graphing and its h1 its supposed to be easy right?! Was scribbling all over notes with ): faces and writing 'yinghui's gng fail math' on math lessons deskmates notes.

Anyway before i end of March holidays are here alr even though i dont feel a thing. Going back to school for yknw what almost everyday. Somemore rehersals in th evening can you believe it?!!!!!! D : Amanda baofang yurong yuling zoey and everyone else i miss all of you so badly, nxt saturday i really really really hope to see all of you! I think we hav got so much to catch up on.......... Manda when you're seeing this remind me tell you abt yesterday when you call me.

O......... kay so there is school tmr and i'm travelling by train no more car tmr which means waking up early............ so, i shall go sleep now and not be late tmr. Goodnight everyone who still actually drops by my dead blog.

P/s Yvonne send me photos my blog is so dull w/o pictures ):
And i want a camera!

Cause there was once love,

2009-02-27T23:07:00.005+08:00

Seoul Garden, Bugis with Og last friday.

Last saturday was Dra'mazing race with ACSian theatre we all had fun with Pillar grps, costuming was irritating cause we were working on founder's day ribbon and made like hundreds of them. I got no idea why I'm talking abt such overdue events but still, it they were days worth remembering hmm. Oh wait, I'm trying to make a point, last friday was Og outing and yesterday (friday) was og outing again!!!

Anyway started this week with AA1, We're finally in our classes and the good thing is i hav less problems learning names cause a third of th class is populated with dep students heh. But as for th other 2/3 of the class, i still......... struggled matching names to faces or even rmbing faces. I was being super mean to Youwei and Mingrui cause when i met them on seperate occasions they waved hi and i went.......... staring for a moment and then ask ' Hi i cant rmb, are you my classmate?' ........ I'm so sorry both of you!

And.......... below is what we did during PW with Peijin Ervin Ruiyang Marcus. We had to make th tallest structure with pieces of a4 paper and then th structure must support the whiteboard duster!! See, ours is so artistic and preety even though its 2nd tallest only. But its stable i swear and its like th tower of Pissa or whatever the tower is th slanted one ha ha.

Chinatown costume trip on tuesday and dinnered with rest of costumers, we camwhored had fun and Fizah will take a billion years to upload pictures hmm. Btw, after tuesday session I'm starting to feel excited abt sewing costumes and designs esp looking at all th sequins and beads they're really preety.

Yesterday was founder's day celeberation in school ( AC is 123 years old!!!!!!!!!! ) but it pretty much boring today, and i regretted not ponning school hmm, but then but then we hav Og outing again!! Vivo for lunch then ClarkQuay for Settler's cafe. Didnt regret staying on for th games with th rest cause it was fun in the end and today i finally won many games heh. The duck shooting game was superfunny.......... I think howard hates me cause I keep targeting him, though he didnt kill my duck initially ha ha. Then there's this bluff game whereby we start coming up with th crappiest lies one can ever think of......... like making up who person with weird name blahblah is and what he do etc. And what does th initial S.e.e. stand for. Things we come up with was so hilarious. And you people actually believed my nonsense make up story might be real heh.

Below's picture with Kiara again, And p/s i miss hanging out with all of you in school so badly now that we're in our different classes with different breaks etc. Nxt Og outing again someday soon k, i love you all of you people. ( And Beatrice i miss your bimbo talks and laughters outing to Settlers was weird without you around): )

Anyway lastly i shall end of this post with this :

It's not a really pretty shot but then this is the first rainbow i've ever seen!!! So pretty.

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

When things hav no turning back, does it mean you move on and forget or can you hold on to it for as long as you like? If you're reading this, I'm sorry for sending th msg two nights ago. Cldnt help it.

Know i was wrong,

2009-02-17T23:06:00.003+08:00

If you tell me to pen them in words, type it out, phrase them clear, I can't.
It's abt how some things cant be put in words because of how much they mean, and because of how indescribable some feelings can eventually turn out to be.

Been more than a month,
Somehow i can tell you, feelings still there.
I'm trying to forget, really. Trying not to think, not to give a damn shit about you anymore. I'm tired, tired of putting a front at times, tired of talking myself out of thinking, tired of scolding myself, even tired of crying over nothing.

We've been there for each other many times before,
hurt each other many times before.
Sometimes i get scenes of us tgt replaying in my head.....................................

I've a part of me telling me to stay as good friends with you like how i once told myself one day i wld if this didn't work out. A part of me really want to.
But there's another voice telling me to forget completely, move on carry on with life, walk out of this, don't look back and take it as a once upon a time dream that never existed..........................

Guess it's only today did i then finally felt things crushing down, did i then felt th missing pieces long, gone.

How're you now?

2009-02-14T16:17:00.002+08:00

Tagged by gaoxin

1.explain your relationship status:
Single.
2. name the lyric from the last song you listened to:
Refer to first song playing on blog!
3. what did you wear today?
Azlan Tee , Fbt.
4. do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
Contacts.
5. how many pillows are there on your bed?
three!
6. what are you doing after this?
Slap Gaoxin for making me do this.
7. where did you get the shirt you are wearing?and how much?
AC orientation! Ten bucks!!!
8. do you like to me?
I hate you t th maxxxx.
9. which one of your cousins is closest to you in age?
Yujun.
10. do you like hugs?
Uh huh
11.if one day gaoxin hugged you, what will you react?
Think she turn lesbian!
12.are you a loud person?
Depends?
13 is deleted by gaoxin!
14. what is one thing you would love to happen tomorrow?
I Dontknow.
15. would your parents be mad if you came home smashed?
Obviously?
16. have you ever had a crush on your friend or classmate?
Uh huh
17. does it matter to you if your bf/gf smokes/drinks?
yes!!!
18. do you think you have made a difference in anyone's life?
I dontknow (Maybe?)
19. is there a guy/girl that knows everything or mostly every thing about you?
I dontknow (Maybe?)
20. who was that last person you had a phone call longer than 7 minutes?
Gaoxin z.
21. how often do you say something without thinking?
Quite often
22. have you ever hugged someone because you know you will never have a chance to hug him/her again? And who is she or he?
Dont think so.
23. would you ever dye your hair blonde?
Nope.
24. is something bothering you?
Yes
25. has anyone ever told you that you're pretty ?
Hmm.Some pyscho Auntie at Cityhall mrt!!!!!!
26. do you believe that you will change for someone?
Used to think so.
27. what time woke you up this morning?
1045am
28. would you go back in time to change something?
If i cld?
29. is it hard leaving people behind?
Guess so.
30. what are you emo-ing for?
I dontknow!
31. who was the last missed call from?
I just got back phone from reservice and so far i answered everysingle call this two days!!
32. what was the last thing you spent your money on?
Shoelace!!!!
33. is there one song that reminds you of the whole summer?
I dontknow th song title!!!
34. what are you doing right now?
Doing this damn thing with gaoxin being a total bitch beside me!!!!
35. can you handle things well?
I dontknow!!!
36. how's your life recently?
No-life. Lectures, time with Og, Card games and more card games?!!!!!
37. when's the last time you did something you knew was wrong but you insist doing it?
I dontknow I think i did too much wrong stuff.
38. do you hate being alone?
Yes.
39. where were you last night?
I was home early!!!!
40. what did you do?
Stayed online, er, stone? Oh i updated scroll down!!
41. think back to the last person you held hands with, would you kiss that person?
Mass dance?!!! No!!!!! Ha ha ha.
42. when did you started blogging?
Since 486 posts ago?.
are you drifting away from any friends?
Urm, kind of? Some?
44. what are you listening to now?
Too many barriers - David Archuleta
45. what are you doing tonight?
Why wld i know?
46. does the last person who put their arm around you mean anything to you?
Yes.
47. are you wearing socks?
Why wld i wear socks at home?!
48. do you have anything in your pockets right now?
I dont hav pockets!
49. who's your last text from?
Amanda
50. how long is your text used to be?
Hmm, medium? I can give you one word replies, as well as ten msg long texts.
51. ever kissed someone ?
Yes.
52. thinking of someone right now?
Yes
53. would you consider yourself to be spoiled?
I dontknow?!!!! ( Maybe?).
who was the last person to sit on your lap?
Nobody sat on my lap!.
where were you at 3pm yesterday?
Blackstudio having classes?
56. did you go to sleep last night smiling?
Dont think so
57. anyone told you a scandal this week?
Think so.
58. when was the last time you throw away something?
Uh, just now? Why wld i go rememeber?!!!!
59. can you play any instrument besides piano?
Nope.
60. list down 10 ppl you wish to sabo
GAOXIN
GAOXIN
GAOXIN
GAOXIN
GAOXIN
Amanda. ( i know you like to do quiz!!! )
Yurong (Cause you say you miss me just now!!!)
Zoey ( Cause gaoxin ask you do also!! )
Yuling ( You dont hav tagboard so you need double reminder frm gxin and me!!)
Any idiot who read this post.

yes I'm finally done with this crap.

Walking on sunshine

2009-02-13T21:59:00.010+08:00

Happy Valentines in advance.

School was nicely in th vday mood today saw heartshaped notes stuck around th school, pretty heart decorations and blah upon stepping in. I thought th atmosphere was really nice, and whole of AC was greeted with notes found on assembly seats upon stepping into th hall i thought it was really sweet even though its just a bookmark from student council.

Lectures for th whole of this week, and this week passed really fast didnt even occur to me its friday already. I'm starting to enjoy school now, cause i hav max 3 lectures a day and remaining free time's spend playing cardgames like cheat and daidi everysingle day for th exception of new game added, yesterday's few rounds of Stress with Barry and Hueiting as well as today new game heart attack with th fav og people.

Anyway we're getting so no life and poolside cafe is our fav or rather home in school we spend more time there then in th LTs. I know its hopeless but still, we hav fun right.

Anyway i heard everyother JC alr lectures and tutorials but we're still having lectures with og. No homework nothing damnit why is everyone studying alr!!

I think when we get class allocation th following week I'm gng mug doubly hard.... I think.

Meanwhile I'm gng catch up i realised after two years i still cant do logarithms! 'Lifeguard' thinks I'm stupid cause i cant convert log to index form and tried explaining but still........... I dont get a single thing till now.

And on a side note I feel happy cause I love Kiara now thanks all of you who made th most awesome bunch of people i first know in Acj. All of you are th most awesome OG mates, including beatrice even though you're such a total (bitch)rice, stop calling me Lianzxzx I'm not!!!!!!!!!!!!!! D : Somemore influence 'lifeguard' and kwanboon call me lianzx also wlao damn irritating.

Kay, this sums up pretty much of th week and what i've been thinking so I'm off to tidy up and start attempting to read thru abit of econs. And, I got home super early today at 4plus after dep. Supposed to meet pinche and his friends to learn how to rollerblade in th evening at ecp but outing was cancelled in th end Z.

Oyah, lastly, Xinyi overdued pictures of hsevisiting at my place below, i finally got them uploaded after such a long long long time. Heh.

///////////////////////////////////////////////

( For some reasons, I felt i miss you quite terribly. Maybe it's cause of valentines. Maybe its cause i hvn hav stuff deleted. Maybe its cause too much things happened, way too much. How're you now?)

Changes///

2009-02-09T19:04:00.004+08:00

Hi world I'm a happy girl now cause I finally decided on my subj combi!
H2 Literature Econs and theatre studies, H1 Math!
I was still struggling so badly between theatrestudies or geography or chemistry or china studies in english. Esp thinking i wont be able t cope if i take tsd and more importantly that I'd cnfm fail my audition cause everyone else going for drama elect all seems so outspoken and good.

But guess what..................

I pass my dep audition today yesssssssssssssssssssssz!!
I know, miracle right heh heh heh.
Which means I'm accepted to take theatre studies yay. Which means since I'm accepted i should just take th subj and stop thinking abt th rest!!!! Okay i dont see why I'm happy but its so unexpected i pass that now I'm happy heh heh. And stop being fickleminded.
( Yea, I rmb, rmb what you said, said abt being fickleminded. )

Anyway as i said i wanted to post, orientation last week turned out t be a blast, even though for th first two nights i got so emo over wanting to get out of Acj. Ha.

( P./s Kiara!!!!!!!!!!!! Say hey!! )

We played lots of games, and had mass rally everyday. Mass dance was still th best i think. And for some reason dance song keep replaying in my head. I think th song's really nice,and mass dance is really cool heh. Go see!!

I'm actually lazy to update in detail abt th fun we had during orientation but OG outing to marina for movie ( Bride wars ) and dinner tgt was definitely memorable. Bridewars a really nice show btw!!!! Go catch it, and we sat in a big circle to hav 'Picnic' at marinasquare at yknw th part where its quite empty and open air near esplanade to hav dinner and games there after it was rly nice.

Friday were start of mass lectures which i dozed off for every single one. But after lectures we went HollandV tgt for OG lunch. Back t sch we had campfireless campfire, its more of party night instead and we all got high during th last part in sch hall where hall was almost turned into disco place when massdance and songs started. Was rly fun i swear but we were all so shag after that.

I think this sums up quite abit of last week i know two paragraph means nothing but at least I blogged. And, I think i'm closing this site down soon. Shall see, time will tell. On another note,
i wonder how life wld be after formal lectures starts nxt week sigh. And I'm still a tiny bit afraid Drama elect will be difficult. Hmm.

I'm tired now so i shld just go catch early rest soon bye world.
( For some reason i know i hvn let go of this. It's been more than a mth...............
I've said what i wanted to. Somehow there seems to be more words to be said then this. But then again I'm confused. Sometimes meaning nothing means something and meaning something means nothing. Too much misunderstanding, even till today. So, does th msg still imply a thing? Help me get this out of my head. I'm tired, it draining me out.)

Acjc + Azlan + Kiara ftw.

2009-02-08T13:03:00.002+08:00

Hi world I'm finally back again after a week of Miaing.
I've so much to do now, suddenly i feel like I'm busy but actually I got nothing to do cause i dontknw where t start from.
O............. kay maybe I'm not making sense yes no urgh damnitttttttttttttttt.

1. Audition tmr.
2. Look for long lost enermy: Trigo Integration Differentiation.
3. Tidy my room.
4. Subject combi how?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ( Lit Econs Maths And ____________ ?! )
5. Bring phone down to Sony again
6. CCA how?!!!!!
7. I want to update this, orientation turned out to be a blast in th end despite many many things, and I luv ACJ now heh.

K, I'd be back bye.

Gambling, Gambling happiness.

2009-02-01T22:43:00.000+08:00

This week hav been a pretty much going out everyday week.
To sum it off simply,

Monday and Tuesday - Housevisiting.
Wednesday - Outing with Primary Six class, then rushed over to meet Xinyi Cecilia and Tony for househoping/Bainian tgt.
Thursday - Iceskating with Xinyi and Tony, then over to Wisma. Then to Chorhung's for bbq/ Albertus farewell party.
Friday- Accompany Mummy day.
Saturday- Eunos then Bugis then Marina then Chinatown.

I've so much pictures but they're all not with me/ I'm lazy too.
And my phone's still with Sony. Damnit today's th 4th day without my phone and i wont be getting it till earliest wednesday like what's wrong with my phone and Sony. People usually take 3 days for reservice why mine need so long?

And on another side, I dont feel ready for school tmr. Not at all.
Goodnight world.

Feels insecure

Poundering hard.

2009-01-29T00:40:00.003+08:00

I hvn th tiniest idea why I'm not asleep now even though its such a long day today.
I wish I knew why but I've thoughts running so wild again.

Thoughts of selfquestioning myself, for regrets, for believing.
Sometimes when emotions go on roalercoaster rides, it makes one feel so........., What's th other term for uncomfortable?

School's starting soon, I'm still afraid of changes. Afraid of not being able t get used to things, afraid of hectic life. Afraid of........... many many many more things. See my mind's running so wild again. Makes me feel like slapping myself so damn badly.

Posting's gng be out on friday. I hvn th slightest idea where th heck I'm gng be. I hvn th smallest idea how to get up at six go to school attend classes then come home.
I think its either Vj or Acj now damn it can someone tell me where I'm going i need mental preperation............................ Both schools make such a big differencez.

Two years. ( Worth th wait? )
or will it become something one-sided?

Just like th air that i breathe

2009-01-26T00:39:00.001+08:00

Hi world i think i just broke world record i actually got my room really really really neatly spring cleaned within half a day..... no, actually within less than 1/4 a day Ha ha.
( Shall post pictures and then you all can do comparison cause I'm actually proud of myself for th clear up lol. )
Anw i woke up late and then i realised actually everyone has springcleaned........... then i realised th mess i created since Olvls, Note: I hvn hvn hvn hvn got rid of Olvl study materials, txtbk notes bla etc till today they still lay piled up when i woke up this morning. Ha ha. And so...... I started at one, did a little packing, throwing away of stuff, then out t Giant with mummy for two friggin hours in th aftnn! Got home, tidied for merely another one hour and there i go off t granny's for reunion dinner and got home only at ten. And see i manage t pack everything off............ and got everything cleared only at 1130pm. Okay i know this is friggin last minute but at least there's effort t clean up and now i feel more ready for JC.................. ( Maybe just that 5% more ready cause i dont hav t worry abt th messy env leaving myself spaceless for new texts.)

But Wait, th point is still i got my room really neatly tidied up in a short period of time and i finished in just in time for Chinese New year.

O....... kay maybe i shall go get some sleep early tonight, or maybe i shall go find drama t watch damn it i feel so no-life staring infrnt of com being stuck w Youtube chasing serials................. But at least they are v good at keeping my mind from running too wild. So as i was trying to say i shall end my post just here so goodnight.
& Happy Chinese Niu Year Heh.

I dont wanna talk about it, it makes me wanna cry
Everytime I pour out my emotions, I feel emptier inside
I dont know how to play it like im not in love with you, but i'll try
Even though I do still miss you, just like the air that I breathe
I need you with me. Im not gonna lie.
I can't imagine my life without you, but I...suppose I will survive.