Tuesday, August 21, 2007 5:14 PM

You stole my heart; But you broke it too.
& now its been false fronts and fake smiles.

I promise this gng be the Last emo post that im gng post for the next whole period of time; I just cant help it now. Didn't i swear yesterday? That i'd grow up and stop dwelling over the past anymore? Didn't i swear yesterday that Im just gng get back that Cheerful girl a few years back? Didnt i swear yesterday it'll affect me no more? That im moving on, And that im gng do well and concentrate for Eoys which are in 34 fcuking days time? That I should be a contented and happy girl with Girlfriends Cousins and people around me whom i've learnt to treasure; And treasure my family and stuff and so on? And now what; Have i broken everysingle promise i made within 24hours?

I hate myself. I hate myself for all my god damn Emoness. I hate myself for losing him. I hate myself for making him wna let go so hastily. I hate myself for loving him so deeply when i've already have hurtful experience. I hate myself for half the damn decisions I've made. I hate myself for what the heck im doing now. Why cant i learn to really really Grow up and stop being so dumb?

And now i hate myself for passing the letter to t'cher.
Yes, Im a Music Student no more.
I was one, But now Im not. Simple as that.
It stupid i wonder why. I wonder why i firmly made the decision, And yet when I submitted the letter , Those tears just start forming. I mean if Girl if youre gng cry and regret why the heck did you hand in the letter in the first place?
I dont understand myself. My stupidity and everythiing else. I mean is it even worth it Dropping a subject which you enjoy and feels comfortable with?
I hate myself for studying for Music tests and then Flunking every single one of them. And now recalling what a Friend told me, You studied and you still fail until like that.
Yes, I studied and i put in lots of effort this time round, But what, Have i passed a single Music test since beginning of year? Man i dont think so.
I wonder if i shld be happy now or what that i've dropped Music.
At least i can quit all Monday and Tuesday afternoon blues i'd get every week since a month ago.

I told myself yesterday, Drop that Subject concentrate on the others and do well. Why make yourself all so miserable. Why torture yourself like that? Why go bear all the pain and force yourself to go for Classes?

But now i've got second thoughts. Why Make myself miserable blaming myself being such a total idiot Dropping Music just because going for classes seem to hurt alot?
Why make myself miserable regretting?

I feel stupid. I really do.



Why love when you've already learnt your lesson it will hurt alot?
Why didnt you learn your lesson?
Why did you believe in him and still do now.
Memories have been flashing back again and again this few days. Yes, i know i swore yesterday i wont ever remind myself of those 1o6Days already. I cant help it. Icant keep all my emotions bottled up this way anymore. It really hurts and sucks big time.

I remember him telling me he wont hurt me the way i once got hurt. I rememeber believing him and starting afresh. I remember putting my heart and soul everything i did that day onwards. I rememebered everything bits and pieces.
But now what? Didnt i get hurt even deeper this time round?
Damn its like what a month plus already. 38Days to be exact. And i dont seem to be getting over a single bit.

Thankyou for those memories/ love / hurt/ smiles/ tears/ cries/ Everything else.
I came to the realisation which was way too late. Sunday's sms hurts the most. I wonder what you implied by asking those letters from her back. I wonder if you ever thought about how hurt i'd feel. Like one stab wasn't enough. I wonder what i did wrong. I wonder why i was such a failure girlfriend. I wonder why you've got to hurt me this badly;


The relationship's over my dearboy even though i still do love you alot like in the past cause my love aint changing.
The friendship's through too; I dontwna get hurt again.
Hello Stranger.

I feel like Running Away.