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As summer ended summer birds take flight. In happy dreams I hold you full in sight, |
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Saturday, July 14, 2007 6:54 PM
You know what it feels like now?! its like *!&^% #$%^&* ! With totally NO one you can confide in comfortably anymore. With totally NO one you can talk to With NO one you can cry to & I dont even seem to have the freaking right to cry or bottleup. What happen yesterday was damn hurting enough; like what happened in class, when everything was seriously coincidental and accident, &like who the hell would i ever know some people can treat and regard it like that, & it was hurting enough to have your supposed bestfriend tell you in that kind of tone like it was ALL MY FAULT. but i DIDNT MEAN IT. it didnt even occur to me like this. And then you used such tone to tell me. Its damn hurting you know?! And like what, crying in toilet but it dont help. Going and walking there alone passing by the fucking group of idiots and holding back tears, getting into the toilet only to find girls down there all cheerful & happy but i was crying without anyone notice. That was how much it hurts. And back at night had another tiff with boyfriend like it wasnt bad enough; being told you promised me nxt week 'wont be like this anymore' and that you'd put in an effort to get me happy. i really was happy to hear that. But i told you ii dontwanna end up getting disappointed. I think you took it the wrong way; all i wanted to tell you is i hope you wont disappoint me, and that higher hopes bring disappointment, i dont wanna get hurt again. The previous week was really bad enough. And i'd very much rather you not placing very high hopes, but get myself happy because of the way you'd treat me. I dontknw how say. But such misunderstandings obviously meant some stuff i guess. And the rest i dont feel like naming or blogging them out, typing them out will only start me crying again now i guess. Ohwell. All i can say is, im disappointed. I dontknw whats called FRIENDSHIP anymore. Just not anymore. And i thought as we mature, friendships get more stable, you get better more caring friends. But i guess i was wrong. Dead wrong. Maybe in the past, those kind of friendships were better, Just those kind of friendly childhood/childlike friendship without the need to be very much bothered by so much other stuffs. When you can just call someone and laugh, chat with on the phone like everythng is forever okay. But now like what. When your friends are upset/down. They'd call you and you'd very much try to listen. I know im not someone that can cheer people up and stuff and that im just damn useless all i can do is listen without knowing anythng to say for fear i'd say wrong stuff.But yet again. aint it better than just some other people. Like what, yesterday when i was like controlling my tears damn badly. What replies do i get when i called supposed bestfriends to talk?! Tones of 'its a complete waste of time listenning and talking to you on phone' and one word replies of 'im dinnering' and then the line got cut off cause the one on other line hangup. Seriously. i cant believe i have such friendships. I mean okaye, i know im expecting alot alot alot from my friends. i know maybe im unreasonable and stuff also. Plus maybe both of you didnt know i was upset. But ohwell. im just kindaa hurt by the tone and the way friendships is carried on you get it?! I think this all just another of my horribly emo times. I hate everythngs thts going on. And i cant deny what you told me just now was i dontknw how say.Its more than hurting. Much much more then that i guess? I dontknow. I guess its my problem. Ireally got not idea how the hell i have to put this and phrase this across how exactly i feel. But i guess maybe youre sick of me. Youre tired of the way i am. You just are tired of lots of stuff i understand? I dontknw. Neither do i have any idea. Or shld i say, you decided you dontwanna care partly also cause you think i got lots more friends there for me and that i dont need you? If so i really got nothing to say. Cause if so it will also be pointless telling you to please spare a thought of how i feel. I think im oversensitive when it comes to relationships and friendships. Ohwell. Look i really really really i dontknow. I guess i've been crying alot these weeks. |
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yinghui,16I'm idealistic most of the times, fickleminded on the other. I think sunflowers, sunsets, roses and surprises are pretty. saidthheart/tumblr Your words playlist
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