Monday, December 04, 2006 3:13 AM

pretty long since i last posted. probably too busy alreadyy plus i think i can jolly well declare this blog dead

its late but i dont feel like slping and so i decided to just continue typing out stuff bahs.

lifes just lidat ths few days
im still stuck in my own world. and mum's totally right. its time i get myself back to reality.
im not being realistic. im locking myself alone for the past week whenever im home. i asked ppl to get out of my life i ask you all to stop caring for me even though i dontknw if i mean it not.
im still stuck with the thinking of my world in chongqing and im still missing them thr and im crying at all wenbo's emails and calls.

and i did so again ytd and i guess my mum and sunthai woke me up. please get myself back in spore girl.but i cant forget those memories. im still missing him. call me crazy but this my blog and i realise how much i need to cry and shout everythng out right here right now. and i have my right to please let me even though this whole post will sound totally ridiculous and dumb already.

& wakeup why get myself so so so worked up over an overseas friendship? i dont get myself either. and then just be patient and wait for january okay he will still email you. they will still email you de.its just tht you cant talk to him on msn phone for this one month plus and its not anyone fault. and its not like wht he said sheng li si bie. y am i getting myself crying this badly this long just over tht? and who is he for goodness sake he is just another overseas friend of yours. stop getting so so emotional girl. get myself back and face reality i have to leave all this and everythng in the PAST. it will stay as the swtest memories but i cant hav them occupying all of me cause its DUMB. i hate myself for everythng right now. i hate myself for all my thoughts and stuff~~ im trying hard to convince myself also..

i miss chongqing.i miss junior2class3. i miss everythng thr.

i seriously shld stop getting myself lidat im trying very hard also i cant help it please bear with me im sorry.




&&&
its decemeber already and its like 11 months passed since the start of 2006. and i cant deny i changed alot this whole year. maybe its cause of whts happenning and stuff. i dont expect everyone reading this to understnd how i feel or anythng
but right now i feel totally broken

its just the thoughts of whts happenning ths few weeks. call life unfair or wht ? i dontknw. dont expect me to knw either.

at times im having myself totally ISOLATED on purpose. im sorry i just wanted time and space alone cause i dont wanna end up making matters worst. i knw this whole year i probably offended a pretty lot of my friends and ppl who care arnd me i knw tht and im really sorry

i dontknw why im blogging such stuff now but i just feel like saying stuff lidat now.

and i cant help thinking of some dumb stuff.
2benevolence.
i cant feel my belonging thr anymore.im sorry
iLOVEthis class all along. but again i dontknw why people.im drifting so much frm all of you and i didnt mean it.i really really really didnt. please believe me

i just felt totally OUT OF PLACE RIGHT HERE NOW. its d end of the year already but yeah its just lidat i dont get why.

i knw i shld stop blogging now. im getting out of my senses once againn.and im starting to cry all over for dontknw whtever reasons. i cant help feeling unaccepted in the class i had been for almost 2years. but i dont get y im feeling this way only NOW.

i dontknw how to continue this post anymore. and im sorry 2BN. you all knw i treasure this class. mebbe i dont mean wht i said but maybe its the loneliness and emptyness abt ths all killing me and forcing me to phrase stuff this way. i dont even knw wht im typing



i wanna mend the past and heal those wounds