Monday, December 18, 2006 4:43 PM

okay its ages since i last blogged but i guess im just bored now and trying to look for smthng to keep me occupied bahs
anyway here are the tagg replies :
& i owe lots of ppl replies
-shumei; yeah miie too and thanks so much for the three long tag replies(:
and i guess we're all lidat? cause i can endup crying very long very suddenly also de. hais but thanks loads anyway.
-xuan; yesh we fly there and visit them okay(:
-zhujun; its not like wht you are thinking for goodness sake! but i do miss my deskpartner in junior2clss3!
-tony; i guess i wont deny things are going really rough okay and i cant stnd stuff ): but okay thanks so much for being willing to listen yeah(: and im so SORRY i miss out your name but just knw you're one of my BESTEST seniors ilove(: haahs!
-ceicilia; heyhey thanks for tagging too yeah(: and yup promise to try to not think too much okie. thanks loads!
-xinyi ; (: thanks haha dont get fedup nxt time i endup calling you and start crying all over.hahahs thanks loads anyway and gosh haha thanks for teaching me how to cycle tgr with tony and d rest of drama ppl(:
-sengchuan; haha yah okayokay will hav faith lahs. lols. youve been telling me tht for ages!
-xuan; hey i NEED sleep okay(: and im NOT nocturnal! aww and thanks loads(: really appreciate tht okay. and haha LIFT CATCHING(: it was super fun lahs!
-shumei; i saw you thr too. and yups with my cousin yujun(: hehs
-eunice; thanks! takecares also(:
-yuling; yesh yesh and we're gng be in same class again! hahas okayi smile okie. dont fan lian(: haha
-tony; tht day was fun alright. and thanks for helping me cycle too! yup lets go thr tgr again hahahs
-yurong; hehs thankyou! loveyou too okay and so sad you cant make it on the 21st):
-aaron; hi back. sorta surprise to see your tag but yup thanks anw will try to im trying just failing all d same time
xinyi; im blogging by replying already!

really haven been blogging for a long long time bahs
many reasons for tht?
i rather hide my feelings now.
yeah just so lidat.

this few days also nothng much. still very upset over wht had happened. im truely sorry and i hope you understnd. really didnt mean to. and i dont blame you for all tht hurt. i've just me and myself to blame.
let the past be the past? idontknw.

i cant and dontknw how to get over loads of stuff. and i knw im not being myself at all.
and yujun im SORRY i didnt mean to be lidat. i dont wanna hav such cold wars with you for god sake. we're still gng be the bestest cousin right?please. sorry i knw ive been throwing tantrums and giving you attitude and complaining to you but dont want tell you d reason y i not happy and i knw its driving you crazy. sorrie .

and then now im starting to wonder wht on earth am i do

wake up and get those thoughts outa my head gurl
but they are so stuck thr):
i dont mean to be lidt. but admit it wht else can i look forward to in life?
wht on earth is meaningful now?
god. i cant hep it

really whts the point in such a life mann
im like so sick of it
not tht i want to admit. im trying to deny but no the facts not tht.
i cant get my stuff done well
just take last thursday night performance as eg okay
its my first time on stage performing on grand piano and i think i played really really BADLY):
i started on the WRONG chord! like wow and i kip getting the pedalling WRONG
like awwmann and i cried while playing how else worst can i flop it?
lisa and florence said my playing was okay. lisa said it was better than how i played during lesson time. but i hav higher expectations frm myself can.
and then i realised i've been wasting loads of time
im not doing anythng i dontknw wht im doing
im suppose to start pract piano real hard for grd8 nxxt year but i cant seem to get the scales in thirds right. and i hate grd8 exam pieces and my hol is supposingly dedicated to piano. like im disappointed with myself

and then im not doing wht i shld be doing. i dont even care. and i've totally give up on trying to get well. forget it if you dontknw wht im talking abt. but yeah i giveup. if the condition gets worst. i cant help it either.

and then i've not done anythng at all today. and i spent the whole day crapping on msn with pinche and thts a dumb convo. haahs. crapped abt lots of stuff. haah dontknw if you got pop by to check my blog anot de lah. but anw thanks misterr for crapping with all the lamest convos and killed my boredom.


life's changing. everythng and loads of stuff are changing. for the worst thts it

its dumb to giveup on life but sometimes i cant help but doubt my existence of being of anythng
owell wadvr?

cry for all you like and it helps. but stay strong aft tht
it makes loads of sense sunthai but wht if after all tht crying i felt worst and even weaker? even more afraid?