Tuesday, September 19, 2006 12:03 AM

yes. i knw i shld be studying real hard OR sleeping already at this time and its approximately 20minutes to 12.28 and i seriously wont sleep by tt time, srry dear.

i guess this must be a REALLY WEIRD time to blog
but nvrmind; ireally cant be bothered to care

im just really frustrated now alreadyy
apparently i showed you the other side of me today;
i showed tt to both of you whom i trusted most with my everythng that i was totally alright, okay and blah when i felt so terrible today
whats with me?
like yeah.maybe im guilty again for hiding it all from you when you cared and loved so much
im sorry

i almost died in school today; it was awkward for some reason or another for me to even face yanlaoshi lah. i dontknw.but i just felt very uncomfortable with that all lah. i really wanted to cry all over again out everythng like i had just done so on saturday in staffroom which was so freaking pathetic lor

and then she CHANGED seats for huixin and wuyi and i dontknw the reason but yet somehow i got a feeling it might have something to do with me? i reallydonknw
maybe its just miie thinking TOO MUCH. im just putting the blame on myself to EVERYTHNG even when it got NO linkage with me AT ALL

and then i was thinking abt so much in school today. i tried to kick them all out of my mind by sms-ing you throughout the day and thanks so much for replying me and having said those so coincidentally when i so wanted to breakdown already. that TWO sms was really comforting and made me feel better lah.thanks

i really dontknw why all this is going on already.not anymore.
im really very scared of EOY right now. its TEN days away ONLY and i HAVEN STARTED my revision. well i did. but just A TINY TINY WEENY BIT only. its so very little only lor.
im really very scared lah
i dontknw how to say nor describe my feelings either already
just feeling totally disappointed with myself and tired of everythngg right now
i dont wanna take another step more already

i dont wanna face a single bit more of life alreadyy. i really cant
like really i giveup
i cant help it either
i knw, xinyi, thanks for all the emails you've been sending to encourage me and all tt.
it really made a difference for me..i knw what you mean. i got it. but AGAIN i failed to do so whatever i shld do.
and shannon, im like super sorry that you spent an hour over msn with me just now when you have your physics paper tml.paiseh! but anyway he was so right. IM SELFISH. didnt spare a thought for others arnd me. i nvr did. im jsut selfish. im just running away from all i dont wanna face and leaving them behind asking those who loved and cared for me to settle them

i dontknw whats happening to me
i lost my way
i cant see light when i knw there is one
i knw how to try to tell you and retell you your stories about HAVING FAITH but i dontknw how to have them myself. i knw how to relate and tell you everythng's gng be okayy.and then if its gng be okay for you..it shld be the same for you. and yet i knw how to tell you all that about faith and confidence when me myself lacks them the most

im crying as im posting this stupid post alreadyy
i dont wanan face a tiny bit more of life anymore
im just too afraid etc.
just too tired of everythngg. just let me be

forget about me then

shant post anymore