Monday, September 04, 2006 9:40 PM

okay.as requested by my dear yurong. i shall post EVENTS.
saturday:
LITERATURE
we planned to meet at 7 in the morning for rehersals and to finish up costumes and props
and i WOKE UP ONLY AT SEVEN [anyway is do at my hse lah (: ] yes. i got woken up by baofang phone call. baofang just woke up. and kept apologising! nvrmind. haha.
i continued to doze off and slpt till 8. and gladys sms woke me up. gladys just woke up! haha. okay. nvrmind. and so i waited...
at 8.30 i decided to call mr zhengjiahe already. cos he didnt ans my call at 7am. and he still didnt ans. so i called a SECOND TIME. and realised that he is ASLP. and for goodness sake he finally ans my call and i was like jiahe, eh.now 8.30 le..where you..wake up already?
he was like 8.30 so what?! i almost died lah. so what. hello. suppose to meet at 7 de lor.
haha
then yup. we did lit and we were practically screaming for time already. very despo! hahah
then we reach sch. and it totally sux to hav me walk arnd in school with makeup. and i freaked out alot! haha. nvrmind. and then yeah. reach sch. and prepared for performance.
i was SUPER NERVOUS
and then when its our turn i was like very scared lah
first scene was still okay it was the heaven scene. and mann. i love the angel halo i made for romeo and juliet! ((:
yeah. basically i think its considered okay already. but i got my lines WRONG. and im freaking srry. and i romeo did rmb some of juliet line. god. for once im super thankful to jiahe for helping me with my lines and not always me helping him lah.(: yup. thanks so much

then yup. and baofang stop apologising for missing out your lines cause i experienced this too. so its okay really. and we did try our best.
[[ and yes. thanks so much for talking it out on the phone and assuring me all is okay when i cried aft literature presentation

sunday
my greatest acheivement is that i finished the maths ws on angles, polygons and also mean.mode.median (: and i played piano for THREE HOURS

today
im totally confused now already
half of me is with you. the half is doubting you
its really very hard for me to love someone who hurt me so deep and caused me so much hurt
its really very hard for me to accept you again
its really very hard for me to imagine nothing had happened at all
i wonder if you truely understd?

you knw how totally depressed and sad i was when i figured i lost you?
maybe you dont.
but yeah. i was. and i cried very badly cause i was super hurt
i told myselfi cant forgive you this time
and i cant deny. im doubting you. there are still more lies.. but it dont matter now really. and maybe i was thinking too much also? but the point dont lie all in your lies
its just totally impossible to love someone who hurt you
and as it goes. once bitten. twice shy
i dontknw when i'd be hurt by you AGAIN
i really dontknw
what if you do so ONE MORE TIME? it cld really kill me lah
i wanna believe you. but its hard

and now. you caused me to slip and fall into some really deep hole and i cant climb out already
i've fallen inside whereby its all dark cause to me and my feelings. its still a 'he dont love me anymore' feeling regardless of whatever the truth is for you knw it best.

many said i was stupid. to fall into such holes and cant pull myself out just because of some guy. but yeah. im dumb and naive about it all.

for now. and for ONCE. just once. loving you is so painful. really painful and being hurt just hurts and pains more.

im really confused

or im just saying or. if it hurts. it will hurt more to go back.
i knw.& shannon thanks for that fairytale story you told me. and from there i figured out so much lah. it will hurt more i knw.
you told me i can choose to get hurt again or choose to takeyourhand and all the hands of the ppl who support me
and climb out
do it for you.them and do it for myself
you said you wanna me to be happy again
take yours and their hands and you all will help me out

i wanna get out of the hole i fell into. yeah. you are right, i want to. just that i cant. im so stuck
take your hands and get out. i really want to. but again. maybe. being hurt inside the hole. is better than facing the harsh reality outside the hole. i really dontknw

the fear and everything is piling. can i just cry it all out now?

piano exam on wednesday.kill me

take your hand and can you just bring me away from all the pain and the hurt feelings. just help me out this once, once more