Wednesday, September 06, 2006 10:35 AM

i owe you a big apology i knw.
im just really really sorry
i dontknw whats gone into me last night either
i just allowed my emotions then to get the grip of me
i just thought i really couldnt go on anymore lah

last night just much things triggered my thoughts
i just felt as if yeah.maybe the path had already turned into a dead end
where everything just gone dark and hopeless
maybe
i was too afraid to walk on anymore
just wanted to run away from everything i had to face
just wanted to escape from reality

my mind was already in a whirl then already
i was confused and lost enough already
i was scared.just totally afraid of how i ever face everything

i was selfish i admit
hate me for all you want over that
im just truely sorry

but it really didnt occur to me to think of so much more
all i wanted to at that time was just not to face all of those going through
i just want to runaway from them all
and even now. i wish i didnt have to face all those
i still wish i cld runaway
but i dont hav that path to take

i realised my thinkins nowadays are just so freaking self-centred
they are.really.

i didntknw you cared so much for me.
i didnt even knw i cld make a difference
i didntknw i meant so much to the ppl arnd me
maybe im still doubting till now
but yeah i promise to try to get those thoughts out of my mind yeah

i really didnt expect i cld cause you to nearly cry and upset, wrry you so much
im really sorry for being so selfish
i'd take it as im living for you; and the others who want me to continue hanging on

im really not sure how long i cld hang on there anymore
im just afraid to move on and everything

& piano exam is like THREE hours from now.
i regret not taking lisa advice to withdraw lah
its just way too late already
shld hav listened to lisa. but i was just stubborn and insisted on trying knwing the result will be failing
its just plain dumbness

& yurong
here is a long tag reply for you
please lah. your props and your wings are super nice too.really.
and he aint just a passerby.maybe he aint. he did really made a difference in my life already
he was special to me and i believed and trusted him alot. just that he really did dissappoint me much too even if it dont mean alot to him. maybe he didnt knw nor expect i cld get so hurt lidat.but maybe he didnt mean it? yurong you dont understnd i guess.
and we talked last night and i figured maybe i was wrong abt what i thought he changed to. he was still the one willing to listen and talk to me even past twelve midnight. still one of the few people who knew how to comfort me much
its hard to forget.really.its hard. its hard to love someone who hurt you.but its hard to forget someone you love either..

and sengchuan.im really sorry for lastnight and i wanna say really thanks alot for being there still when everything flopped and screwed up for me.thanks for talking me out of whatever i wanted to do
yeah just wanna apologise and thank xuan.zoey and sengchuan here yeah.
just really sorry for being so selfish. i'd try not to bring your promise anymore.i'd try okay

its still that line. if i really take your hand ; will you be sure i wont regret? like really sure?
i trust you.but just afraid i'd regret someday
but i wanna take you hand and plead you to take me away from all this as you said