Sunday, September 10, 2006 4:22 PM

i continued telling you i was okay when you asked
when you was just trying to show concern; and so i told you. yeah.im okay
but the fact was that i was crying so badly
i continue chatting; smsing; joking with you all the whole way through
i made it seem as if all was okay already
but they werent
in fact everything turned for the worst already
just the worst

i lied
i told you i wont giveup onmyself since you said you'd be there always
but the fact was that im totally givingup on myself already

i dont see the points in whatever i do already
i dont see why im even living now
i dont even knw what and why i am doing all this
so whats the point lah
maybe its totally no point that im blogging now also
but i just feel like venting up lor

i showed you i was okay
i pretended i was okay
but yet the feeling deep down inside was like completling shattered already

you think i like it?

i dont

you dont understnd everything and anything inside going through me
not at all lah
but you said you are trying to understnd ; and you said you understnd
both of you; or shld i say all of you said you gone through them before
you understnd

but really you dont lor

y lie to me?

i wanna cry it all out loud
but i promised you i'd stay strong and all
but did i?
i guess i didnt

you dontknw what i did
what im going through
i hate myself for hiding my feelings also
but i realise you cared too much that it hurts you also
i rather hide them all from you
but it hurts for me to lie to you also

i really dontknw what to do already
i dontknw who i cld turn to
not anymore
i dont feel like turning and telling you everything already
i dontknw why

i'v given up already
i cant b bothered
not at all and not anymore
im giving up on my piano
i dont want to continue taking it anymore aft this mth or ths year
really dontwant
im giving up my thoughts and everything abt making my way for piano
im giving up on my acadamic already
who cares if i get to the worst subject combi or anything
just get into combined science also nvrmind lah
if not worst still repeat year
i dont care i really dont
im hurting myself with everyother way there is
you thnk i care?
i dont lah
and no one needs to either

i'd just rather the feeling of hurt; disappointment; despair drown me and i cant bother to care already
let it be lor

--crying
i just hope you aint reading this post

my point of life? --its waiting for death