Friday, August 25, 2006 9:51 PM

I'm about to lose control
I, I don't know why
Why you need some reason to feel lost inside
You, you know that I'm alright
You know that I'm just the kind of girl that feels so hurt and smiles
I don't use excuses
Don't ask why
It's just a breakdown
It happens all the time
So get out of my face
Don't even try
You wanna help me,
just let me cry
Yeah I loved you all my life
You don't even know a thing I feel inside
No, by the look in my eye
That I'm just fine but I might need you to hold me tight
I don't use excuses
Don't ask why
It's just a breakdown
It happens all the time
So get out of my face
Don't even try
You wanna help me, just let me cry
I don't use excuses
Don't ask why
It's just a breakdown
It happens all the time
So get out of my face
Don't even try
You wanna help me, just let me cry
I had a bad day, I'll cry if I want to,
cry if I want to, cry
I had a bad day,
I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry
I had a bad day, I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry
I had a bad day, I'll cry if I want to, cry if I want to, cry
Just let me.... cry
Just let me cry, I'm crying, I'm breaking down.........
I'm breaking down just let me cry


im breaking down.
i cant stnd all the stress piling in me.
all those thats going through in me.
y's life so freaking unfair?
y isiz that all the bad things have to happen at the same time
y everything must happen to me
y isiz that lifes so getting more and more meaningless as each day passes by
y is everything turning for the worst instead of turning for the better?
and y am i losing so much all at the same time?

i dont understnd really.
i hate myself.
i hate the way life is
i wanna run away from everything
i dont wanna face them anymore.
i dontknw how to face them already

i wish i can just slumber or anything
just stay away from all this
just dont want to face them anymore
im just purely afraid.scared and everything

im tired now. mainly confused also anyway
i dontknw why this is happenning between the both of us.
i figure tt you probably are sincerely sorry.
but the hurt you caused.
itsreally hard to erase not that i dont want to
but do you knw how much hurt you caused?
how heartbroken i was? how dreadful, helpless and sad i felt? how much i cried because of you? how i lost my concentration also?
do you knw?
yes. i dontknw how to let go.yes i still love you. but all this is hard. its nearly impossible.too much happened within too short a time.
im much more hurt than what you are feeling also
im sorry. but i think im gng end up like what she did to you before. im really sorry. i knw you must be disappointed in me too. but im feeling the same way as well.
and im srry. but im just not the understnding and sweet and cute girlfriend you thought i was or could be. be disappointed with me too then. i wont blame you.
we both need time

&
im scared to face stuff. i dontknw how to face the main things tts happenning.i dont know how to face the stress in me.
EOY starts on the 29th sept already. piano exam is on the 6th sept.
there are so so so freakingly much events going up.like the entreprenearship thing on monday. i knw i shant nidda wrry about that. but i just felt uneasy. and afraid tht anything will turn wrong. and than the teachersday rehersal and performance. i thought we twoBN did a GREAT JOB. but apparently some councillors love to critisize and feels that we are not syncronized enough or whaterever. and keep piling our performance with negative hurting comments.
its like. i knw. hey. y am i wrrying so much and even about such performance stuff?its outside of what i nidda wrry..but yes. im being paranoid also.
and nxt tuesday got chinese test too.great. just great.

life's just rough now.very.
its not like the past.
tuesday night, i was catching up with my exclassmate. i was complaing to him. man.im srry. and then we went out of topic .
ended up talking about the times we had during the past year. whereby everything seemed innocent

yeah.the past was so innocent. we joked. we kidded. you dance. you people did anything you cld just to cheerme up and always didnt fail to gimme a good laugh. we bickered; we suan each other always. i was angry with you ppl. but didnt take it to heart. i said i hated you all for all those too. but now. i seriously MISS THE TIMES WE SPENT whereby we cld go crazy laughing and partying in class. i miss that pass so much.
at least there were you jokers and clowns.
life was just not complicated then. it was just fun.jokes..we studied and played so equally.everything was great. i knw i didnt treasure you all in d past. i regret now. regret y i regarded you ppl as my 'enermies' and didnt take you all as my good friend. im still angry abt how badly you ppl can suan me. but nope. im missing it now.

you ppl cared so much for me. i just didnt knw nor appreciate.
i told you all i knw what i m doing. i didnt heed your advices.
i insisted on loving him. i insisted on believing he love me whole heartedly.
you all told me not to be stupid. but you think i care at that time?

all i can say now is tt im TOTALLY HEARTBROKEN&HURT