Saturday, August 05, 2006 10:04 PM

had been feeling totally terrible this few days
i dontknow y and hate to admit it either.

~there are no smiles,
all i have is myself,
and my broken heart, shattered feelings.
The loneliness grows,
and that horrible feeling starts,
i hear nothing only groans.
The only people i see,
don't even care about me,
they only live to survive.
Every time they talk,
everything takes a dive.
So i just stand there,
wishing that someone cared,
but all they do,is laugh and stare.
Cold people see you from a distance,
they don't want to be near me,
they don't even want to hear me.
Their insensitivity,
is uncalled for and unfair,
they leave me alone and in despair.
All i do is sit there alone~~

i dontknw whats gone wrong with my life either.
and i dontknw y i just aint being myself these days.
it hurts alot to even feel the hurt in me also
but i just cant help feeling lidat

i cried silently everynight.
no one heard
and no one knows.
i wonder if any even cares
maybe they do
maybe they dont
i really have no idea at all myself.

i know im hurting myself also
i set high expectations for myself
i know i will nvr be able to reach such standards and go so far.
but the fact was that i just end up going and trying that far up
and be so so 'ambitious' and go for it
and then as i knw
i failed
and then i felt totally terrible.
tony was right. i should lower my expectations for myself.
i know i should but im just NOT doing it.

sometimes i think i screwed my life up completely.
just dontknow y. but yeah. i guess i did.

maybe i dont feel like posting everything up here already
but you are so right.
yeah. i do have mixed emotions.
and i do seriuosly think alot
and there are just too much for me to think of too

i still wanna cry it all out. vent all my feelings out. to spill all d stuff bottled up in me up. but yet i just cant.

i feel real dreadful too not that i want to. i dontknow what to say already.

the path im walking.
its just way too rough for me
i fall. i helped myself up. i fall. you lent me a hand. i fall. you cant do anything too.
i feel totally helpless in d middle of the path.
stuck and stopping there.
unable to bring myself to move on already
i give up on it.
i cant live on with all this going on anymore.

but anyway. i still got to say
thanks alot to sc, for sms-ing and listenning on d phone last night to talk me out of what i almost could have done. okay. iknw its real foolish now and i promise i wont do it
and also to tony for being on d phone ALSO to calm me down with your counting and encouragements ytd
for chris. who listens and assured and tried so much to understnd me more unlike some people who dont care like he once did already. you probably didnt even visit my blog like you once did everyday now. its just her you have in mind. i knw i dont stand a place already.you LIED-
and HANLE shermin, and baofang. i think i would hav flunk my interview today without you ppl helping. esp hanle (: yeah. thanks alot ppl.