Wednesday, August 02, 2006 6:36 PM

didnt i just POSTED?
yeah. i just POSTED. and now im back to posting again.
i think im gng repeat the whole history of like that few days ago whereby i can have THREE post within an hour just to vent out everything

just now i posted telling myself to just take a few minutes off to crap and maybe i will feel better. and so i crapped and posted .

but now i feel like posting again

and if YOU dont like my whining on my blog. u can just GET OUT OF THIS PAGE.
i didnt force you in here anyway.

i really didnt know whats happening to my life.
i flopped it entirely.
first with personal stuff.
i just dontknow and cant face it bravely. just dontknow and cant face d fact and reality bravely.
y isiz that other people can and i cant.
i know im not alone.i know there are many others with the same medical condition case as me. yet i dontknow how to face it like what others could. yeah. i blurted it out.
i just dontknow how to face it can?
say im dumb.im not being strong. say im just whatever. i dont care a bit.
hate me look at me differently i seriously dont care.

and look at my school and acadamic. what have i done. flopped everything the entire sec2 stuff yeah.
where was i standing last year?
much in a better position. at least i was still the top few in class. but now im like all the way at the BOTTOM d last few?!
i DROPPED ALOT. and have not improved or pulled myself out yet.
and idont think i ever will.
last year i wont have any problems with maths and science or other sub. im not saying anything. but last year i could still MANAGE pretty well. but now. i CANT AT ALL. not a least bit. I SUX at every single subject i take.
and then this friday is GEOG, and im gng flunk the paper again.
and then nxt week got MATHS TEST . i knw im repeating it. but yes. i cant stand having so many test everyweek. so often!
its stressful you knw.
VERY.

and say its so called 'peer pressure' or whatever. but what are THEY telling me?!?!
dont PUSH ME SO MUCH CAN. i knw u all dont want me to be hurt and just want the BEST FOR ME. i know. i understnd. and really appreciate what u guys toldd me. but hey. I NEED MORE TIME. gimme a break. and dont hide from me. just. owell. whatdeva.

i really dontknow what to do now.

and whats the problem with that english magazine article?
i dont even understnd what he wants us to do. how he expect me to do lah. and its part of my CA MARKS. yeah. CA2 RESULTS. and i need that desperately to pull my midyear results UP.
and i still haven completed it yet. and i dont knw and dont wanna do it.

i just wish i can just slumber into a deep sleep now.
i might as well be dead.
the pointe of living. to live HAPPILY right?
but if my life is totally flopped and so freaking stressful and i cant take nor stand this. i might jolly well be dead.

its either i be alive.living. or dead.
i wont mind being dead really.
but im just so unfortunately ALIVE now. BUT not LIVING.
not living my life to my fullest.not even living a life iwant.

my wrong with my life?

and i wont ever be able to finish revising for my test,and finish that PILE of homework.