Saturday, July 08, 2006 4:07 PM

FRIDAY 7JuLY oh6

morning, shannon came to class to look for me to check if i was okay not. msged him last night and sort of complained and open the bottle to him...
then morning shannon went to DL and popped by to BN since he was here already. he came in and its like we said we go out and talk. was at the bench outside classroom. he was trying very hard to comfort me and i really appreciated. i would have felt better after talking to shannon. but apparently ppl misunderstand. and it pissed me alot when they were like telling shannon to stop flirting with me. firstly. shannon wasnt flirting with me or what. and secondly i jolly well know about he and his relationship with eunice. shannon was just a plain senior to me tats it. somehow ppl want to think otherwise and this is really annoying.very.and then later on i sort of like got 'said' by ppl around me with regard to seeing me and shannon just talking at the bench together. whats the big deal? at least i feel so much better after talking to shannon okay.
nvrmind. still. i dontknow. shannon thinks everything is caused by lack of confidence. he had been telling me this like since very long ago? yeah. HAVE CONFIDENCE! but when u know your limits that u wont make it. u really will lose confidence and its hard to get the confidence back you know. you think im stressing myself too much. but its like. it really matters alot? i dontknow. i really felt like crying already when i was talking to shannon in d morning. still.thanks alot shannon.

and so lets talk about lessons. yeah..first period was MATHS common test. i think i flunk it completely. dontknow how to do the two question and i was like just wrtting down some numbers on the paper. really wasnt thinking straight or what at all. i doubt i was concentrating. burden. im so gng flunk tis paper again.

then second period was ACC..wasiz. i think so. okay talking about tang dynasty.. then PE we did the 2.4km run. awman. i FAILED.haha. but i wasnt feeling well..so cant blame me all for that right? arhg. haha, sorry lehs linli..made u sort of accompany me.u couldhave done better ... rather than a TWENTY minutes timing! hehs. then after recess was ENGLISH.
omg. english again. seriously.i dontmean to do tis. by really. i cant stand vincentlwo already. its always about his private life, advertising and staff during his lessons.. than we did comprehension.. he still can go out of topic somehow. hais. funny. but i now miss and want back davamoni as my english cher! i dontmind doing news articles already...

then dismissal already.. then baofang eunice and jiahe came over to my house to discuss romeo and juliet lit pw. eunice was gladys 'replacement' haha. then we were laughing ALOT. lol. then we created a mess in my room haha. then jiahe gtg first. mum fetched him to stadium there...yup while me and baofang carried on with ROMEO'S so called sleeveless jacket or smth lidat.haha. we managed to make it okay. its NICE.haha. baofang and i very got chengjiugan when we got it done also.hehs. it was nice. but i think jiahe is gonna scream when he sees this. then after completing his 'costume' i was like so happy.haha. i rang jiahe up. but yuandong pick up jiahe phone call lo. and i was so pissed.[ owell sorta. he was funnie' though] yuandong was crapping okay. and really spilling weird and 'dontmake sense at all stuff'' say until lidat. haha. could hav gone crazy. then we were laughing and laughing ? LoL
then later on piano..it was and shld be yuandong or ztao who msged me using jiahe phone. they really very very what lah. haha. using jiahe phone sms such dumb messages to me. i was sure jiahe will nvr say such things de. [baofang u know what he msged me already yeah.haha] drove me half crazy. errrr.

then went for piano. and after piano. my mood flopped completely again.

LISA SIA asked me to WITHDRAW from this SEPT EXAM.
i cried. and it really damped my whole entire mood alot. really.

it was not like some of you might think. no bigg deal. its a BIGDEAL TO ME. it mattered alot. u might think..dont take in sept, nxt year feb, july aug of even sept..take again..its okay right. whats yinghui prob with this arh? but it mattered alot to me. it made me lost my confidence even MORE. it made me worst. it made me felt real bad in a sense, even my own PIANO TEACHER hav no confidence in me now alreadyy. even her even she thinks i cant make it....

it hurts to have to many blows thrown at the same time, same week. FIRST my streaming trial was a COMBINED SCIENCE instead of a double or triple. and SECOND tis PIANO WITHDRAWAL. it mattered alot..

and then the whole night it was those those and still those which filled my mind.

i felt better after talkin to chris and also baofang on the phone yeah.then i went online and talked to some ppl. and then it was at twelve plus i ended up on phone with HANLE.thanks alot for listenning and everything hanle. and also sunthai. im srry...i guess i forced you to sorta lose patience also right sunthai. didnt mean it de. im sorry yeah. but i got what u said,i took them into my mind. really. but i still need more time i suppose? should be. im really feeling very lost now. very. so gimme more time lah. i promise to talk to my parents abt that mayb tml kie. than hanle, thanks for listenning and everything yeah. thanks alot..
and thats about it. it was a rough day. very rough one. but im glad i survived past it. im just plain feeling lost, confused and upset by what happened.


8JuLY oh6
woke up feeling terrible and wanting to cry all over again kinda feel. then got greeted my 2sms-es.. then thats thats. then at 1pm got tuition. and it was super boring! haishais. after tuition. i reached hme and found a letter from mummy. cried real badly upon reading it. felt just plain terrible and dontknow what to do kinda feeling. started smsing ppl ... but owell. nvrmind. half the chungcheng population was in speechday ); then im glad chris called though. at least there is someone else other than ppl in cch..
after that went grandma hse. haha. i know grandma MISSES ME. but my mind was as usual elsewhere. i was still distracted by some stuff happenning and occuring everyday...

was on the phone after settling down upon reaching hme at 9plus. i donknow what to say abt it either. just that life is SO CONFUSING AND MAKING ME LOST.
i hav so many different views by different ppl with regard to what;s happening. ppl tell me diff things and i dontknow how to react to them. and so afte rone whole round. its still like what sunthai said. I HAVE TO SOLVE IT MYSELF.which ireally dontknow and cant?

i dont feel like talking about all this now. been crying too much. its not tat great a thing after all? realy dontknow.

# & failin once doesnt mean failing 4ever,so cheer up & think positively
# everyone has low peak time. time when u are sad. when u are young u have low
peak time too. w u may think it;s nth. but when yr small the low peak time is sth
# when u grow up yr low peak time will just get serious u gotta solve like when u are young
# stopping to rest is the way of going a longer dist
# have FAITH
# have CONFIDENCE

all this encouraging and words u ppl told me. i remember and they made a diffrence.just tat i dontknow how to continue..nor what to do to carry out what u all sugggested...

its late now. i shld b slping le. very tired.

and than. for the nxt TWO DAYS. im just gng REST and NOT do ANYTHING. just pure rest...and maybe sort out my thoughs like what shannon and sunthai advised..

hopefully. i will be better. hopefully i can figure out smth soon!


just the DIFFERENT WAY. somehow. people just look differently.

crying dont help after all..i cried everything out .. but what i felt. its still lidat.