Wednesday, July 26, 2006 8:55 PM

fine. since you ppl prefer me to not delete my blog. owell. i shall just post here and vent out everything. happy?

and then im gng make tis a long post alright. and if u dont want to read or find me totally naggy or anything. just leave and dont ever visit my blog again. as simple and easy as that. this post is just for me to vent out cause im really in a very bad mood can.

firstly. i dontknow whats happening to me now adays. i seriuosly think im flopping my entire life. and then disappointing the people around me.

the day before. i was practically crying after class and it really sux alot.. that kinda feeling.
i was really feeling pretty helpless and hopeless. esp on the fact that there is a MATHS test today. and i dontknow y. but my maths just SUX alot. im sorry if im using such words. but i really cant stand it anymore.

and then i wanna thank shannon for coming over after class to go through my corrections for the maths worksheets. thanks alot shannon.
at least he was sort of a great help and made me feel better and all that.. just want to say thanks alot.

and then after school i went home early yesterday was home at 3plus. and then i dontknow why. but i just dozed off asleep at 4plus and woke up only at SIX. in other words. i wasted the entire afternoon. and i was really pissed with myself for wasting so much time.

and then at night. i was crying terribly already. WHY. because i spent a VERY LONG time working on my maths on mensuration and still got d sums half WRONG. and it was already pretty late and i still cant figure them out okay. i really felt terribly awful. and then the phone rang and then he called. and im so so so sorry if i really sounded bad over the phone last night. really didnt mean it. but im really feeling awful and yes. i was crying and thus i just wanted to be left alone with the silence to calm myself down.

its like. i really felt awful to that extend that i could even not want to talk to him. hais.

whats wrong with me? i've been feeling very down lately. i wont deny that.
but i cant help it either. its not as if i purposely want to be depressed or what. i cant help it either. u think its a nice feeling?
i really hate to feel this way too. really. i swear i hate it. but that kinda feeling just came to me like naturally?

debi and i were sms-ing at night. and much of what she said did make alot of sense i guess.
i have to make the decisions MYSELF. and its my life i make the CHOICE.no one can help me anymore. and yes. maybe after all. i do look emotionally drained like what debi said i was in school nowdays.and then i cried too much. in school or at home. with people. or without. i just did so. and then maybe i should just learn to b so less emotional. just less. and jsut SELF CONTROL myself to kip my emotions. the only person who can pull myself out from the hole i slip and fell into is still me and myself.

i dontknow what to do nor say now. really feel sort of lost and all that. and i dontknow nor understand why my life's getting lidat. maybe debi is still right.. getting out of hand? i dontknow.

at times. i really dont understand myself either. apparently ..i sound and seem okay. but yet.. i really cried my hearts out inside me emotionally. whats my prob?
and really. does stayin lidat do me good. well. i know the ans very well myself. it dont help at all.

wadeva.

i dont understand myself and i seriuosly wonder who on earth can understand me already since i myself dont know what's up in my mind either!

im feeling pretty much veyr frustrated now. too much things are going thru my mind already..
nadia told me during eds today that i shld just relax and stop having so much thoughts in my mind. but i just cant seem to get them out of my head. and yeah. thanks alot nadia also. for being there during eds to listen and talk things out with me when i cried during drama today.

whatever. suddenly. i hav no mood to post again anymore. and i guess who ever reading this must be real tired and pissed with this post of mine.

im being nice and doing a favour by stopping and ending my post right here and now.

feel so much like screaming out loud!!

hoping for the better? or m i just dreaming?



i love you.and i mean it now.